


Smol Angerey Gays

by AgustDnD



Category: ASTRO (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Aphobia mention, Asexual Character, Bad spelling on purpose, Black Rings, Bullying, Chatting & Messaging, Comfort, Cuddles, Established MyungJin, Established TaeSon(?) Kind of, Established YoonMin, I already typed these all in here at least twice and the just, M/M, McDonald's, Moving, Panic Attacks, Physical Abuse, Pining, Poofed!, Poor Life Choices, Sex Jokes, Swearing, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, Trans Character, Transphobia mention, all of the memes, basically a shitpost, beans, big fluffy sweatshirts, brats bc they care, established namjin, for charecter, idek anymore, literally no one can comunicate, minor recreational drug use, oblivious idiots, pining?, polyamory?, shamrock shakes, shitty coping mechanisms, slow burn?, so much swearing, sweater paws, the dongsaengs are lil shits, useage of slurs, what is the main ship?, where is this story going?, you'll see - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-03
Updated: 2019-03-11
Packaged: 2019-04-18 00:58:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 15,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14201571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgustDnD/pseuds/AgustDnD
Summary: DongMinnie<3 - Hyung, why didn't you tell me that MoonBin was so pretty?DongMinnie<3 - I honestly feel so attacked right now. His cheek bones slay my existence and his eyes got me fUcKeD uP jesus shit that boy is fiiinnneeeMJayyy - ...SanHaha - ...MJayyy - WSanHaHa - OMJayyy - W~OR~Six Cinnamon Rolls collide with seven Sinnamon rolls; they're all gay, Yoongi needs a nap, Dongmin needs a hug and Sanha needs some self-control. Chaos Ensues!





	1. An Introduction to the Cinnamon Rolls

**Author's Note:**

> Hey Hi Hello!!!! And welcome to my very first fic!!! I'm Super excited and I'll my best to be a good author for y'all but, let's be honest this is trash and I'll be lucky if I can convince my best friends to read it. Anyways, I already have a couple chapters written so I should be updating fairly regularly from now on. I don't have a schedule (lmao what's that? I don't know her.) but I hope to post at least once every two weeks, fingers crossed! Enjoy~~

**HappyVirus** has created a Group Chat

 **HappyVirus** has added **JinWoo** , **LeeDongmin** , **BinnieBoo** , **ElRocko** , and **Smol-ha** to the chat

 

 **HappyVirus** \- Welcome My Sons!

 **JinWoo** \- MJ 1) We’re the eaxct same age and 2) we’re dating.

 **HappyVirus** \- babe, i love ya but shadyapp

 **Smol-ha** \- MJ-hyung who are all of thses people?

 **Smol-ha** \- also: HI PEOPLE!!!!!!!

 **BinnieBoo** \- Hi!!!

 **ElRocko** \- sup

 **LeeDongmin** \- Hello, Sanha.

 **HappyVirus** \- I’m glad you asked Sanha

 **HappyVirus** \- i relisde that i have all of thse awesome freinds that i love and acriccatey and figured they would also find each other to be awesome biengs and voila here we are

 **JinWoo** \- MyungJun, could you please, try and use proper grammar and spelling; for my sanity?

 **Smol-ha** \- aweh MJ-hyung I LOVE YOU TOO!!!! **< 3**

 **HappyVirus** \- @Sanha **< 3** @JinWoo **> :[** don’t be mean

 **LeeDongmin** \- … I Suppose we should introduce ourselves then.

 **LeeDongmin** \- Hello, I’m Dongmin and it’s a pleasure to meet you all.

 **BinnieBoo** \- idk if i can top that but hi I”m Moonbin but you can call me Binnie

 **ElRocko** \- im Minhyuk but everyone calls me Rocky

 **Smol-ha** \- Hi!!!! I’m Sanha

 **JinWoo** \- … Hi.

 **HappyVirus** \- uhh … you didn’t introducde yourself, Jin

 **JinWoo** \- I just did.

 **HappyVirus** \- no you said ‘hi’

 **JinWoo** \- Exactly

 **HappyVirus** \- but you didn’t say your name

 **JinWoo** \- I didn’t have to; it’s my screen name.

 **HappyVirus** \- … wahtever

 **LeeDongmin** changed **Jinwoo’s** name to **eaxct**

 **Smol-ha** \- lmao Savage-Dongmin makes an appearance

 **eaxct** \- I want to be mad at you but, I physically can’t. Well played, Good Sir, well played.

 **BinnieBoo** \- a formal texter w/ a sense of humor….? I’m intrigued

 **HappyVirus** \- wait til you see his face **;)**

 **BinnieBoo** \- wdym?

 **HappyVirus** \- nothin ;)

 **Smol-ha** \- he’s talking abut Dongmin-hyung’s otherworldly beauty

 **LeeDongmin** \- Guys, Stop. I’m no that good looking.

 **HappyVirus** \- SHUT YOUR MOUTH!!!

 **LeeDongmin** \- It’s true!

 **LeeDongmin** \- [anactualpotato.png](https://goo.gl/images/k6EsmH)

 **LeeDongmin** \- See!

 **BinnieBoo** \- …

 **eaxct** \- …

 **Smol-ha** \- …

 **HappyVirus** \- ....

 **ElRocko** changed **LeeDongmin’s** name to **HAWTDAMN**

 **HAWTDAMN** \- Seriously, guys, I’m not attractive.

 **ElRocko** \- look man i don’t know you and i’m straight but if i met you in a bar i’d smash

 **eaxct** \- ^^

 **HappyVirus** \- ^^

 **BinnieBoo** \- ^^

 **Smol-ha** \- ^^

 **HappyVirus** \- Sanha stop you are a child

 **Smol-ha** \- just cause i’m a child doesn’t mean that’t i’m blind. Whihc I would have to be in order to not notice that Dongmin-hyung is sex on legs

 **HappyVirus** \- …

 **HappyVirus** \- True

 **HappyVirus** has named the group **Hott Hyungs**

~~~~~~~

 

**Dancin’ Dudez**

**Leanwitit** \- HOLY SHIT HE IS HOT!!!

 **Rockwitit** \- yes I noticed

 **Leanwitit** \- His eyes and his lips and his fucking neck holy shit I CAN’T

 **Rockwitit** \- careful bin, your gay is showing

 **Leanwitit** \- shut up I’m bi and he’s an angel

 

~~~~~~~

**Hott Hyungs**

**HAWTDAMN** \- Can we talk about something else now?

 **Smol-ha** \- ofc I’m sorry if we made you uncomfortable

 **HAWTDAMN** \- No, it’s fine. It’s just that MJ-hyung made this group chat for us to get to know each other and all we’ve done is gawk at my face.

 **HappyVirus** \- How about we each say how old we are, who we know in the chat and our favorite activity?

 **HappyVirus** \- I’ll go frist

 **HappyVirus** \- I’m 23, I know all of you amd i like to hang out with you guys ( also Jinwoo is my supercute and kinda grumpy boyfriend who i love)

 **eaxct** \- I’m 23. I know MJ, Moonbin, and Rocky. I like to sleep ( I Love you, too, babe. **< 3**)

 **HAWTDAMN** \- Aww, You guys are cute.

 **HAWTDAMN** \- I’m 20 years old and I know MJ and Sanha. My favorite activity is reading and/or studying.

 **BinnieBoo** \- im 20 i know MJ, Rocky and Jinwoo. I like to eat

 **ElRocko** \- im 19 i know MJ Moonbin and Jinwoo and I dance

 **Smol-ha** \- I’m 17 almost 18 (i skipped a year so I’m a freshman) I know Mj-hyung, Dongmin-hyung, and Rocky-hyung is my roomate. I love to play guitar

 **HappyVirus** \- YAY now we can all be bffs

 **ElRocko** \- it was nice to meet you guys but Binnie and I have got to go to dance practice. talk to you later

 **HAWTDAMN** \- Wait, you guys dance together?

 **BinnieBoo** \- yeah we’re both dance majors and we’re on the school team we hold showcases and we compete sometimes

 **HAWTDAMN** \- That sounds like fun.

 **Smol-ha** \- OMG i’m trying out for the team next year! I tried this year but they were full **:'(**

 **ElRocko** \- we just had a bunch of people trnsfer out so you could try out now if you wanted Binnie and I could help you practice

 **Smol-ha** \- OMG REALLY?!?!!!!?!?!

 **BinnieBoo** \- yeah it’ll be fun to have you on the team

 **Smol-ha** \- Wow thank you guys!  <3

 **eaxct** \- I just thought of something. Before we all go, we should all send pictures of ourselves so we all know what we look like. It’s only fair cuz Dongmin already did it.

 **HappyVirus** \- I know you guys already know what I look like but…

 **HappyVirus** -[smiley.png](https://goo.gl/images/4d2JgB)

 **eaxct** \- [securitydetail.png](https://goo.gl/images/mNCExc)

 **ElRocko** \- [letherpants.png](https://goo.gl/images/zX1HMR)

 **BinnieBoo** \- [blindbin.png](https://goo.gl/images/BroC6A)

 **Smol-ha** \- [beretsfordays.png](https://goo.gl/images/HX1fUe)

 **HAWTDAMN** \- Holy Fuck you guys are hot!

 **HappyVirus** \- *Le gasp* Language! There are minors present!

 **Smol-ha** \- MJ-hyung I curse all the godamn time

 **HappyVirus** \- Is no one pure anymore?

 **ElRocko** \- **( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)**

 **eaxct** \- **( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)**

 **BinnieBoo** \- **( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)**

 **Smol-ha** \- **( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)**

 **HAWTDAMN** \- **( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)**

 **HappyVirus** \- I give up


	2. Sorry

Ok So this isn't the chapter I promised and I don't even know if anyone is going to read this tbh. But I just wanted to let y'all know That I won't be updating this fic for a while if ever. I do have a plan for it but it's kind of fallen off of my radar at the moment and in the grand scheme of things isn't all that important. That being said I do appreciate every single one of you who took the time to read this and leave kudos. I'm currently writing an actual fic i.e: not a chat fic, that I feel is much better than this one. Again I am sorry to anyone who was expecting things from this storyline (Who am I kidding there was no storyline it was one chapter where all they did was mess around and act slightly gay). 

 

Toodles~~~~ AgustDnD


	3. Y'all Need Jesus

**Gays ‘R’ Us**

**Dongminnie** \- Hyung, why didn’t you tell me that MoonBin was so pretty?

 **Dongminnie** \- I honestly feel so attacked right now his cheekbones slay my existence and his eyes got me fUcKeD uP jesus shit that boy is fiiinnneee

 **MJayyy** \- …

 **SanHaHa** \- …

 **MJayyy** \- W

 **SanHaHa** \- O

 **MJayyy** \- W

 **Dongminnie** \- What?

 **MJayyy** \- you used improoper grammer in a text!!!!

 **MJayyy** \- and you completely forgot punctuation

 **Dongminnie** \- Yeah, so? I do that sometimes.

 **SanHaHa** \- …

 **Dongminnie** \- Okay, you’re tight. I did kind of stray from my M.O. just now but, that HAVE YOU SEEN HIS LIPS?!?!?!?!!!

 **SanHaHa** \- Aweh youre so gay for Moonbi-hyung that you text like a normal person. That’s so cute!!!

 **Dongminnie** \- I am not gay for Moonbin. I’ve never even met him.

 **MJayyy** \- Dongmin, sweetie, scrollup

 **Dongminnie** \- …

 **Dongminnie** \- Fuck

~~~~~~~

 

**Hott Hyungs**

**HappyVirus** \- I just relised something

 

 **HappyVirus** changed the chat name to **Hott Hyungs and a fetus**

 

 **Smol-ha** \- r00D

 **BinnieBoo** \- where’s the lie tho?

 **Smol-ha** \- @Myungjun-hyung @Moonbin-hyung MEET ME IN THE PIT

 **ElRocko** \- Anywayz

 **ElRocko** \- y’all ever see a person that makes you relise just how gay you actually are? Cuz like I just did and GAWDDAMN!!!

 **Smol-ha** \- I dodn’t want to make assupmtions or anything but didn’t you say you were straight?

 **ElRocko** \- that was befor MJ-hyung told me that we’re all essentail gay in this chat and I didn’t have to no-homo

 **eacxt** \- I mean even if we weren’t we’re not assholes

 **ElRocko** \- I didn’t know that

 **Smol-ha** \- but yeah to answer your questions hell yeah all the time

 **BinnieBoo** \- I have those moments all the time

 **ElRocko** \- *cough* yesterday *cough*

 **BinnieBoo** \- fite me MinhYUCK

 **Eacxt** \- …..anyways….

 **Eacxt** \- yeah I have those moments all the time @ My Hot BF

 **HappyVirus** \- Aweh same Babe

 **HAWTDAMN** \- I, too, feel an increase in my homosexual tendencies when presented with a particularly fine male specimen.

 **Smol-ha** \- LMAOOOOO

 **BinnieBoo** \- ‘Homosexual Tendencies’

 **HappyVirus** \- lol yeah Dongmin is hilariously gay but

 **HappyVirus** \- @Minhyuck sill thine Tea

 **ElRocko** \- what?

 **HappyVIrus** \- Who was this hottie and how did you come to relise you were gay for him?

 **ElRocko** \- oh that

 **HapyVirus** \- yes that

 **Smol-ha** \- lmao MJ-hyung isn’t playin games

 **BinnieBoo** \- @Sanha hush

 **BinnieBoo** \- [finnasiptea.png](https://goo.gl/images/jYujKf)

 **HAWTDAMN** \- ^^^

 **ElRocko** \- so basically there’s this new guy in mine and Binnies dance class and he’s hot as fuck and I high key want him to sna my neck with his thighs

 **Smol-ha** \- Kinky **;)**

 **eacxt** \- yall need jesus

 **BinnieBoo** \- it’s funny how you’re acting pure when you know I can expose your ass

 **eacxt** \- …. shit

 **HappyVirus** \- we’ll get back to that

 **HappyVirus** \- but for now

 **HappyVirus** \- @ElRocko pics or it didn’t happen

 **ElRocko** \- [anactualgod.png](https://goo.gl/images/6Jh5xx)

 **HAWTDAMN** \- adjksefgnsh

 **eacxt** \- lol I think you broke Dongmin

 **BinnieBoo** \- oh him

 **BinnieBoo** \- he’s a really good dancer

 **HappyVirus** \- wow I know he’s hot but he doesn’t seem like your type Minnie

 **HAWTDAMN** \- He’s not.

 **eacxt** \- Then why’d you freak?

 **HAWTDAMN** \- I know him?

 **ElRocko** \- omfg really?!?

 **HapyVirus** \- I NEED A NAME, NUMBER AND SOCIAL SECURITY

 **Smol-ha** \- that’s Jungkook-hyung he’s in mine and Dongminie-hyung’s music theory class He’s super nice but, also kind of shy

 **HAWTDAMN** \- Yeah, I did a project with him last semester. He’s a great guy and we’re pretty good friends I could mention you to him or…?

 **ElRocko** \- OMFG PLEASE

 **eacxt** \- lmao the thirst is real

 **ElRocko** \- HA you’re one to talk

 **ElRocko** \- @Binnie you mentioned you had tea?

 **BinnieBoo** \- ooooh Boy

 **BinnieBoo** \- Y’all best hold on to your wigs ladies and gays

 **BinnieBoo** \- I’m finna shed some light on our two eldest over here

 **HappyVirus** \- oh shit

 **Smol-ha** \- wait I’m making popcorn

 **HAWTDAMN** \- and I’m texting Jungkook

 **eacxt** \- Moon Bin, do not even think about saying what I think you’re about to say

 **BinnieBoo** \- Sucks to be you Hyungs

 **BinnieBoo** \- yall ready for this

 **Smol-ha** \- yep

 **ElRocko** \- HELL YEAH

 **HAWTDAMN** \- Go ahead

 **BinnieBoo** \- get ready to take a fuckin sip babes

 **BinnieBoo** \- So last month MJ-hyung invited me over to help me study for my sych midterm but, I guess he forgot I was coming over

 **HappyVirus** \- oh Fuck

 **BinnieBoo** \- y’all remember the picture Jinwoo sent of him dressed as a security guard? Well that was last year’s halloween costume

 **BinnieBoo** \- but I guess MJ-hyung liked it bc when I walked in they were making out on the couch and security guard JInwoo had apparently just caught MJ-Hyung stealing something and was about to punish him for it

 **ElRocko** \- AHAHAHA

 **Smol-ha** \- LMAO

 **HAWTDAMN** \- damn you just snatched the fuck out of em Binnie. Well Done

 **HappyVirus** -[ icametohaveagoodtimeandihonestlyfeelsoattackedrn.jpg](https://goo.gl/images/gH7jGB)

 **ElRocko** changed **eacxt’s** name to **Kinky;)**

 **Kink ;)** \- @BIn you better start running

 **BinnieBoo** \- Why? You’re too short to do anything if you catch me **:p**

 **ElRocko** \- Damn get rekt

 **HappyVirus** \- I’m coming with him **:)**

 **BinnieBoo** \- oh shit

 **Smol-ha** \- RIP BInnie-hyung you will be missed

 **ElRocko** \- lol Myungjun-hyung is scary af

 **Smol-ha** \- ^^^ tru

 **HAWTDAMN** \- Wait, Jinwoo-hyung, what did MJ-hyung steal?

 **Kinky;)** \- …

 **Kinky;)** \- My Heart

 **ElRocko** \- Awweh

 **Smol-ha** \- I’m not crying my eyes are sweating

 **HAWTDAMN** \- And suddenly Myungjin is my OTP

 **BinnieBoo** \- same tbh

 **HappyVirus** \- where are you u lil shit

 **BinnieBoo** \- hiding **:p**

 **ElRocko** \- He’s in the storage closet of the dance studio

 **BinnieBoo** \- the utter betrayal and after I spilled my tea for you

 **ElRocko** \- *shrugs*

~~~~~~~

**Project Bros**

**Eunwoo-hyung** \- Hey

 **Jungkookie** \- Hey Dongmin-hyung what’s up?

 **Eunwoo-hyung** \- Not much, just hanging out

 **Eunwoo-hyung** \- My friend Minhyuck mentioned you joined the dance team

 **Jungkookie** \- lol yeah I did I’ve always loved dancing and I’m really glad I joined

 **Eunwoo-hyung** \- That’s great, Jungkook! I’m happy for you

 **Jungkookie** \- lol thanks

 **Jungkookie** \- so… you’re friends with Minhyuck?

 **Eunwoo-hyung** \- lol yeah. I also know Bin

 **Jungkookie** \- oh cool

 **Jungkookie** \- they’re both really good dancers

 **Eunwoo-hyung** \- That’s what I’ve heard

 **Eunwoo-hyung** \- They said the same thing about you.

 **Eunwoo-hyung** \- Minhyuck especially seemed to think you were very skilled. I seem to remember him mentioning your thighs?

 **Jungkookie** \- adjskhust

 **Eunwoo-hyung** \- You ok?

 **Jungkookie** \- lol yeah dropped my phone

 **Jungkookie** \- gtg class is starting

 **Jungkookie** \- ttyl Hyung

 **Eunwoo-hyung** \- It’s 9m? On a Saturday?

 **Eunwoo-hyung** \- Whatever

 **Eunwoo-hyung** \- Bye, Jungkook

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof I'm sorry it took so long to update but, I'm back now. My class starts in 10 minutes and I'm rushing to get this done rn. also peep Binnie's jealousy when He thought Dongmin was freaking out over Jungkook lmao


	4. Straight Trollin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ooof 
> 
> OK so first off thank all of y'all that left comments and kudos. It honest to god makes my day when I hear from y'all. 
> 
> Secondly, I probably won't be ale to update until sometime next week bc I'll be out of town. Feel free to yell at me on Tumblr for it. I'm AgustDnD on pretty much any form of Social media so come hmu.
> 
> Hope Y'all enjoy this slightly longer and I'm sorry in advance for the angst.

**Squat Squad**

 

 **Kookie** \- what does it mean when the guy you’ve been lowkey crushing on mentions you to his friends by complimenting your dancing and commenting on your thighs

 

 **ChimChim** \- I think you mean HIGHKEY thirsting over

 

 **Kookie** \-  oh go choke on Yoongi’s dick

 

 **Jinnie** \- *GASP* Jungkook, Language!

 

 **Kookie** \- yes, hyung

 

 **Hoesuck** \- in answer to your question Kookie

 

 **Hoesuck** \- it means he’s not blind and can see that you’ve got the thighs of a GOD and also that your a great dancer

 

 **Kookie** \- they’re just thighs tho?

 

 **Taebae** \- Kook, sweetie, lemme explain something to you

 

 **Taebae** \- you’ve got thiccass dancers thighs and if I were not gettin the good dick on the reg I would not hesitate to beg you to choke me with them

 

 **ChimChim** \- ^^^

 

 **Hoesuck** \- ^^^

 

 **AgustD** \- ^^^

 

 **Jinnie** \- Kookie, honey, I love you like a son and I would never ever sexualize you but, your thighs got me shook in a platonic parental way

 

 **Joonie** \- ^^^

 

 **Kookie** \- wow...ok then

 

 **Kookie** \- on another note…..

 

 **Kookie** \- what do I do with this information?

 

 **ChimChim** \- TALK TO HIM

 

 **Hoesuck** \- Jimin’s right you need to talk to him so you can fuck and stop thirsting already

 

 **Jinnie** \- ABSOLUTELY NOT

 

 **Jinnie** \- My son will not just randomly ‘fuck’ some creep with a thigh kink just bc he’s somewhat attractive

 

 **Joonie** \- babe, chill. Nobody said they were gonna fuck. (@Hoseok calm tf down dude)

 

 **Joonie** \- They’re just gonna talk and see where things go. Right, Jungkook?

 

 **Kookie** \- um…..I mean yeah that’d be nice

 

 **AgustD** \- lol as if coconut head could just hump’n’dump

 

 **AgustD** \- he’s too shy to even talk to this guy

 

 **Kookie** \- first of all, you’re one to talk you fuckin Trollz Doll lookin ass

 

 **Kookie** \- iseenodifference.jpg

 

 **Kookie** \- secndly, I may be socially awkward sometimes but it didn’t stop my last 3 boyfriends from calling me Daddy so *shrug*

 

 **Taebae** \- #Daddykinkexposed

 

 **ChimChim** \- LMAO

 

Joonie - jfc I come on this chat for the first time in weeks and this is what I’m greeted with?

 

 **Hoesuck** as changed **Kookie’s** name to **DaddyJeon**

 

 **Jinnie** \- Jeon Jungkook.

 

 **DaddyJeon** \- oh shit

 

 **Jinnie** \- I think we need to have a little talk about what we do and do not share in the group chat.

 

 **Jinnie** \- Don’t you agree? **:)**

 

 **ChimChim** \- oh my god Hyung you’re terrifying

 

 **AgustD** \- RIP Juancock he won’t be missed

 

 **ChimChim** \- lol maybe I’ll finally be able to rest without Jungkook blowing up my phone all night

 

 **Hoesuck** \- and by rest you mean suck the soul outta Yoongi-hyung’s dick

 

 **ChimChim** \- I just want to let y’all know that I sincerely tried but, alas, the lie cannot be found

 

 **AgustD** \- Jin, I’m giving you 5 minutes to leave the apartment. Jimin, I’ll meet you in 10

 

 **Jinnie** \- google.com ow to forget that your best friend regularly fucks your pure son and kicks you out of your home to do it

 

 **Joonie** \- babe

 

 **Joonie** \- I have the apartment to myself tonight

 

 **Jinnie** \- I’ll be over as soon as I find our son

 

 **Hoesuck** \- I suddenly feel very single and wish to rectify this situation

 

 **Hoesuck** \- also: y’all need jesus

 

 **Taebae** \- lol tru but…..

 

 **Taebae** \- are we really gon forget that Kookie called Yoongi-hyung a Trollz Doll?

 

 **DaddyJeon** changed **AgustD’s** name to **TrollzDoll**

 

 **DaddyJeon** \- lmao nope **;)**

 

 **Jinnie** \- JUngkook where are you you lil shit

 

 **DaddyJeon** \- gtg l8r lozers

 

 **TrollzDoll** \- @Jin wait for me I need to ‘talk’ to little Jeon as well

 

 **Taebae** \- RIP Jungkook x2

 

 **TrollzDoll** \- @Taehyung, I haven’t forgotten about you shithead motherfucker

 

 **ChimChim** \- babe, calm down and remember that we can’t cuddle if you’re jail and I’ll cry if you hurt my platonic soulmate

 

 **TrollzDoll** \- ….fine

 

 **DaddyJeon**  - whipped

 

 **ChimChim** \- I won’t cry if you hurt Jungkook

 

 **TrollzDoll** \- noted

 

 **ChimChim** \- but do it another time cuz I’m lying on your bed by myself and I seem to have lost my clothes somewhere

 

 **TrollzDoll** \- adjskfvgh

 

 **TrollzDoll** \- omw

 

 **DaddyJeon** \- ya know I’m glad Yoongi’s too busy to beat my ass but I didn’t nd to know that

 

 **TaeBae** \- DAS MAH BEST FRIEND RIGHT DER YOU GO BITCH GET YO MANS

 

~~~~~~~

 

**Dance Line**

 

 **HobiHobi** \- before I ask just know that i’m gonna do t any way and this is just a curtesy

 

 **Kookie** \- …..ok?

 

 **HobiHobi** \- Is it alrght with yall if i invite some of the other dance team dongsaengs to this chat

 

 **HobiHobi** \- they’re really nice and i really like them so…..

 

 **ChimChim** \- i don’t mind

 

 **Kookie** \- you’re gonna do it anyway

 

 **HobiHobi** as added **Rocky** , **Binnie** , and **Smol-ha**

 

 **Binnie** \- why am I here?

 

 **HobiHobi** \- bc tis is a dance team group chat for my favorite dongsaengs

 

 **Smol-ha** \- but I’m not on the dance team **｡゜(｀Д´)゜｡**

 

 **HobiHobi** \- I knew there was something I forgot

 

 **HobiHobi** \- I meant to email you but….

 

 **HobiHobi** \- WELCOME TO THE DANCE TEAM

 

 **Smol-ha** \- adjskfgngk

 

 **Smol-ha** \-  MY GOSH THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!! **(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧**

 

 **Rocky** \- lmao he’s actually crying

 

 **Smol-ha** \- @Minhyuck-hyung fite me

 

 **Kookie** \- wait who’s Minhyuck? And the other one?

 

 **HobiHobi** \- time for introductions

 

 **HobiHobi** \- give your name, age, and best selfie

 

 **HobiHobi** \- I’ll start

 

 **Rocky** \- but we all know you already?

 

 **HobiHobi** \- I’ll start **:)**

 

 **Binnie** \- lmao rip Rocky

 

 **HobiHobi** \- I’m Jung Hoseok and I’m 24

 

 **HobiHobi** \- [yourhope.png](https://goo.gl/images/KdvfhV)

 

 **Binnie** \- I’m Moon Bin and I’m 20

 

 **Binnie** \- [itme.png](https://goo.gl/images/3MhgCG)

 

 **Smol-ha** \- Aweh Bin-hyung I love that picture

 

 **Rocky** \- yeah, you look very…..soft

 

 **Kookie** \- ^^

 

 **Smol-ha** \- I’m Yoon Sanha (I’m new) and I’m 17

 

 **Kookie** \- Aweh a lil baby

 

 **Smol-ha** \- [fitemekookie.png](https://goo.gl/images/NTJpeL)

 

 **Kookie** \- Aweh a lil angry baby

 

 **Smol-ha** \- *sigh*

 

 **Kookie** \- I’m Jeon Jungkook and I’m 19

 

 **Binnie** \- adsjsffsjn

 

 **HobiHobi** \- ???

 

 **Binnie** \- …...nothing

 

 **Kookie** \- [whatstastyinbusan.png](https://goo.gl/images/jS4k6H)

 

 **Rocky** \- HOLY SHIT IT IS YOU

 

 **Rocky** \- I mean…

 

 **Rocky** \- I’m Park Minhyuck and I’m 18

 

 **Rocky** \- [STONED.png](https://goo.gl/images/vYzTyt)

 

 **Kookie** \- adskdjfndjj

 

 **HobiHobi** \- lmao Jungkook more like JungSHOOK

 

 **Kookie** \- @Hoseok choke

 

 **Binnie** \- wait

 

 **Binnie** \- i know why Rock is freaking out *coughs* gay *coughs*

 

 **Binnie** \- but why are you freaking out Jungkook?

 

 **HobiHobi** \- cuz he’s gay af

 

 **Smol-ha** \- lmao he can’t be gayer than Minhyuck-hyung

 

 **Smol-ha** \- he wears leather pants for gods sake

 

 **Kookie** \- lmao who’s Jungkook? Idk her

 

 **Rocky** \- First of all @Bin go cry over Dongmin’s ‘perfect’ face you slut faced hoe bag

 

 **Smol-ha** \- ouch

 

 **Rocky** \- secondly, imma just come out and say it cuz momma ain’t raise no pussy

 

 **Rocky** \- I freaked out bc Jungkook is amazingly gorgeous and I’m hella gay so…..

 

 **Smol-ha** \- Your turn Jungkook hyung

 

 **Kookie** \- what?

 

 **Smol-ha** \- Rocky-hyung told us why he freaked out so it’s only fair that you do the same

 

 **Kookie** \- oh….um….I guess I freaked out for the same reason?

 

 **HobiHobi** \- Holy Shit

 

 **HobiHobi** \- I didn’t expect you to actually own up to it

 

 **ChimChim** \- neither did Yoongi

 

 **ChimChim** \- Thanks for finally growing a pair now Yoongi owes me

 

 **HobiHobi** \- I low-key forgot you were in this chat, Jimin. Where you been?

 

 **ChimChim** \- wagering a bet **;)**

 

 **Binnie** \- JIMIN-HYUNG?!?

 

 **ChimChim** \- BINNIE?????

 

 **ChimChim** \- I knew you were on the dance team but, I didn’t think you knew Hoseok-hyung

 

 **HobiHobi** \- he’s in my 4:30 intermediate class with Minhyuck

 

 **Kookie** \- w do you two know each other

 

 **ChimChim** \- we’re roommates

 

 **Binnie** \- unfortunately

 

 **ChimChim** \- well fuck you too

 

 **Binnie** \- no offense hyung but I’ve been sexiled 3 times this week alone and it’s only tuesday

 

 **Kookie** \- It’s been at least 4 times for me (I live w/Yoongi)

 

 **HobiHobi** \- and here I thought Yoongi-hyung was lazy

 

 **ChimChim** \- listen Yoongi and I have needs and I’m not about to apologize for that

 

 **ChimChim** \- what I will apologize for is Namjoon-hyung and his inability to man tf up and ask Seokjin-hyung to move in with him

 

 **ChimChim** \- then we’d have the apartment all to ourselves and we wouldn’t have to dsplace anyone

 

 **Kookie** \- but I live in that apartment too?

 

 **ChimChim** \- you don’t count

 

 **Kookie** \- rude ass bitch

 

 **Smol-ha** \- ignoring all the sex

 

 **Smol-ha** \- you know Jinnie-hyung?

 

 **ChimChim** \- yeah, he’s Yoongi’s best friend and my adopted mother

 

 **HobiHobi** \- I live with Namjoon and JIn-hyung cooks like a god so I’ve gotten pretty close to him over the past three years

 

 **HobiHobi** \- it was self preservation

 

 **Kookie** \- I’m basically Namjin’s child

 

 **ChimChim** \- why do you ask Sanha?

 

 **Smol-ha** \- bc he’s my brother

 

 **Binnie** \- oh cool I didn’t know you had a brother

 

 **Rocky** \- the hyungs never said anything about you having a brother when they talked abut you do they not know

 

 **Smol-ha** \- Dongmin-hyung as met him but, MJ-hyung doesn’t know abt him. I guess it never came up

 

 **HobiHobi** \- wait wait back up

 

 **ChimChim** \- Jin-hyung has a brother

 

 **Kookie** \- I HAVE AN UNCLE?!?!?!

 

 **Smol-ha** \- he…..he nver told you guys abut me?

 

 **HobiHobi** \- I’ve known him for 3 years. He never once let slip that he had any siblings.

 

 **Smol-ha** \- I’ve got t go now hyungs ttyl

 

 **Binnie** \- bye Sanha

 

 **Kookie** \- Jin-hyung has some serious exlaining  to do

 

 **ChimChim** \- I can’t wait t grill him for this

 

 **HobiHobi** \- ^^^

 

 **Rocky** \- we’ll leave yall to that

 

 **Rocky** \- in the mean time we’ve got some tea to spill

 

 **Binnie** \- MJ-hyung is gonna flip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so for those of y'all that didn't pick up on it Sanha is obviously upset that Jin didn't tell his friends about him. I"M SORRY. It will be resolved next chapter. 
> 
> I'll be posting the back story for how everyone knows each other on my Tumblr sometime later this week so come look for that. I'll also include the side by side comparison I made of Yoongi and Trollz Doll. I regretted it the instant I made it but Jungkook aid there for it must happen.
> 
> WHO ELSE IS SCREAMING ABOUT THE ASTRO COMEBACK THIS MONTH?!?! I MEAN DID Y'ALL SEE THOSE PILOT PICS?!?! IF Y'ALL NEVER HEAR FROM ME AGAIN KNOW THAT I DIED LISTENING TO THE COMEBACK AND CRYING OVER HOW FUCKING BEAUTIFUL MY BOYS ARE


	5. Meet the Sinnamon Rolls

**Two Bros**

 

 **lilsquish** \- Hyung

 

 **Hyungie** \- Hey, Sanha what’s up?

 

 **lilsquish** \- hyung, are you ashamed of me?

 

 **Hyungie** \- What? Of course not! I love you so much and I am so incredibly proud to call you my brother. Please don’t ever think otherwise.

 

 **lilsquish** \- if you’re not ashamed of me then why did you never tell your friends about me?

 

 **lilsquish** \- Hoseok-hyung said he never even knew you had a brother

 

 **Hyungie** \- oh baby please just let hyung explain

 

 **Hyungie** \- I didn’t tell my friends about you bc I didn’t want them to corrupt you

 

 **Hyungie** \- They’re all very…. vulgar and you’re my baby brother I wanted to protect you from being exposed to that kind of thing

 

 **lilsquish** \- I understand hyung but what I’m exposed to isn’t really up to you I’m not a little kid anymore I’m going to see and hear things that you don’t think I should see or hear and that’s ok

 

 **lilsquish** \- what’s not ok is cutting me out of a big part of your life

 

 **lilsquish** \- I want to know your friends hyung and I want you to know mine

 

 **Hyungie** \- oh Sanha

 

 **Hyungie** \- of course you can meet my friends and I’m dying to meet yours

 

 **Hyungie** \- I’m so sorry that I hurt you baby

 

 **lilsquish** \- it’s ok hyung

 

 **lilsquish** \- just don’t do it again

 

 **Hyungie** \- I love you, Ddana

 

 **lilsquish** \- I love you too hyungie

 

~~~~~~~

 

**Squat Squad**

 

Hoesuck - Y’ALL

 

ChimChim - Geuss what

 

 **DaddyJeon** \- we got sum fuckin tea

 

 **TaeBae** \- oOOoooO I love tea

 

 **TrollzDoll** \- I don’t care

 

 **ChimChim** \- Excuse me?

 

 **TrollzDoll** \- OMG TEA?!? SPILL IT BITCH

 

 **TaeBae** \- whipped

 

 **Hoesuck** \- moving on

 

 **DaddyJeon** \- @Joonie @Jinnie get yalls asses in here we got tea

 

 **Jinnie** \- excuse me?

 

 **DaddyJeon** \- *Namjoon-hyung and Jin-hyung could you please come here whilst we expose secrets?

 

 **Jinnie** \- much better

 

 **Joonie** \- What is this about?

 

 **Hoesuck** \- Ladies and Gays thank you for choosing HobTea inc. for today’s spilling

 

 **Hoesuck** \- I’m Hoseok and I’ll be running today’s session with the help of my lovely ASSistant Park Jimin

 

 **TaeBae** \- jfc and I thought i was extra

 

 **ChimChim** \- If you would all sit back, SHUT UP, and enjoy the ride, the spilling will begin shortly

 

 **Hoesuck** \- Thank You, Jimin.

 

 **Hoesuck** \- Now, it has recently come to my attention that someone amung us is hiding a Pretty Big Secret

 

 **Joonie** \- dammit

 

 **TrollzDoll** \- oh shit

 

 **Jinnie** \- oh fuck

 

 **TaeBae** \- jesus, I’ve only been fucking Jackson for a week how do you hoes already know

 

 **ChimChim** \- ok so we were talking about Jin-hyung but we’ll come back to that whole mess later

 

 **Hoesuck** \- As you know I run the dance team’s recruiting program

 

 **Hoesuck** \- I’ve recently added an adorable 17 year old freshmen to the team

 

 **ChimChim** \- Hi name is Yoon Sanha

 

 **Hoesuck** \- but it was only after adding him to an extra special dance groupchat that we discovered that Yoon Sanha is none other than……

 

 **ChimChim** \- *drumroll*

 

 **Jinnie** \- jfc I stg if you corrupt my baby brother I will personally rip your dick off

 

 **Hoesuck** \- YOU RUINED MY TEA

 

 **ChimChim** \- *our

 

 **Hoesuck** \- stfu you just wanted to add Sanha to the gc and let shit hit the fan

 

 **Jinnie** \- about that….

 

 **Jinnie** \- he wants to meet you guys

 

 **TaeBae** \- HOLD THE FUCK UP

 

 **Jinnie** \- language

  
  
**TaeBae** \- YOU HAVE A BROTHER?

 

 **Jinnie** \- Yes, Tae, now as i was saying

  
  
**TaeBae** \- DOES NAMJOON-HYUNG KNOW??????

 

 **Joonie** \- I’ve met Sanha

 

 **TaeBae** \- YOONGI-HYUNG HOW ARE YOU NOT FREAKING OUT YOU’VE KNOWN JIN-HYUNG EVEN LONGER THAN I HAVE

 

 **TrollzDoll** \- I’ve been with Jimin this whole time so I found out when he did

 

 **TrollzDoll** \- also I don’t really care?

 

 **TrollzDoll** \- if Hyung has a secret brother he doesn’t want to tell us about that’s his business

 

 **TaeBae** \- AM I THE LAST ONE TO KNOW?!?

 

 **Hoesuck** \- yes Tae now shut up and let Jin-hyung speak

 

 **Jinnie** \- as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted

 

 **Jinnie** \- Sanha wants to meet you guys but I don’t trust you not to corrupt him so I’m adding him to the groupchat

 

 **Jinnie** \- but first some rules

 

 **Hoesuck** \- oh come on hyung we’re not that bad

 

 **Jinnie** has changed **Hoesuck’s** name to **HobiHobi**

 

 **Jinnie** \- first off no rude nicknames

 

 **Jinnie** has changed **DaddyJeon’s** name to **Kookie**

 

 **TrollzDoll** has changed their name to **MinSuga**

 

 **Jinnie** \- 2nd no swearing

 

 **MinSuga** \- Jesus hyung he’s 17 not 7

 

 **Jinnie** has removed **MinSuga** from the chat

 

 **Jinnie** \- I will permenantly kick you out if you break the rules; you get three strikes

 

 **Jinnie** \- that one doesn’t count bc Sanha isn’t in the chat yet

 

 **Jinnie** has added **MinSuga** to the chat

 

 **Jinnie** \- 3rd no references to sex, drugs, or alcohol

 

 **Jinnie** \- are we clear?

 

 **MinSuga** \- yes

 

 **HobiHobi** \- yes, hyung

 

 **Joonie** \- of course babe

 

 **ChimChim** \- yes, hyung

 

 **TaeBae** \- yes, hyung

 

 **Kookie** \- Bring on the Sanha

 

 **Jinnie** has added **SanHaHa** to the chat

 

 **SanHaHa** \- Hiya Hyungs!!!!

 

 **SanHaHa** \- I’m Sanha

 

 **ChimChim** \- Aigoo you’re so cute I could just eat you up

 

 **ChimChim** \- I’m Park Jimin I’m also in the dance gc but, I didn’t get a chance to introduce myself

 

 **Joonie** \- Nice to see you again, Sanha

 

 **SanHaHa** \- NAMJOONIE-HYUNG

 

 **SanHaHa** \- I miss you. I haven’t seen you in forever

 

 **Joonie** \- Aweh, I’ve missed you too

 

 **Kookie** \- sup

 

 **SanHaHa** \- Hi Kookie

 

 **Kookie** \- I AM YOUR HYUNG

 

 **SanHaHa** \- you were mean earlier you only get called hyung if you’re nice

 

 **Jinnie** \- Jungkook, are we gonna need to have another talk? **:)**

 

 **SanHaHa** \- calm down Hyungie. We’re just joking around

 

 **Jinnie** \- ok…

 

 **TaeBae** \- HI!!!! I’m Kim Taehyung

 

 **SanHaHa** \- as in Kim Myungjun’s cousin Kim Taehyung?

 

 **TaeBae** \- YES omg how did you know?

 

 **SanHaHa** \- MJ-hyung has basically adopted me at this point and he talks about you sometimes

 

 **HobiHobi** \- wow small world

 

 **SanHaHa** \- Hi again Hobi-hyung Thanks again for letting me on the dance team

 

 **HobiHobi** \- aweh, don’t thank me you earned it

 

 **Jinnie** \- YOU MADE THE DANCE TEAM?!?!

 

 **SanHaHa** \- YES!!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT????

 

 **Jinnie** \- I’M SO PROUD OF YOU!!!

 

 **MinSuga** \- My God there’s two of them

 

 **ChimChim** \- ignore him Sanha that’s just my grumpy boyfriend Min Yoongi. We forgive him bc he’s cute

 

 **MinSuga** \- I am not cute

 

 **ChimChim** \- lol whatever you say babe

 

 **SanHaHa** \- Aweh you guys are sweet together

 

 **SanHaHa** \- you remind me of MJ and Jinwoo-hyungs They’re super cute together too

 

 **HobiHobi** \- see Hyung? You are cute

 

 **MinSuga** \- ….hush

 

 **Kookie** \- lol hyung like we don’t have evidence of you being sickeningly cute

 

 **TaeBae** \- cuz we do

 

 **Jinnie** \- as much as I’d like to see that

 

 **Jinnie** \- I promised Sanha I would meet his friends

 

 **SanHaHa** \- bye hyungs

 

 **Kookie** \- bye Sanha

 

 **ChimChim** \- see you later

 

 **TaeBae** \- bye bye

 

 **HobiHobi** \- I’ll see you @ practice tommorow 7am

 

 **MinSuga** \- ew mornings good luck kid

 

 **Joonie** \- bye Ddana

 

 **Kookie** \- aweh Ddana

 

 **ChimChim** \- that’s so cute

 

 **Joonie** \- careful

 

 **Joonie** \- I have special permission from Jin to call him that

 

 **Joonie** \- It’s Jin’s nickname for him

 

 **TaeBae** \- aw but it’s cute

 

 **HobiHobi** \- I’d watch it if I were you Tae you know how Jin-hyung gets

 

 **HobiHobi** \- lmao remember that  time Odengie bit Yoongi and Hyung about flung him across the room

 

 **MinSuga** \- he threatened to rip my dick off but, I don’t regret it little shit had it coming

 

 **Jinnie** has removed **MinSuga** from the chat

 

 **Jinnie** \- Strike One :)

 

 **Jinnie** \- Any objections? :)

 

 **ChimChim** \- none what so ever

 

 **HobiHobi** \- that’s not my boyfriend

 

 **TaeBae** \- lol who’s Yoongi idk her

 

 **Jinnie** \- Good :)

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE ALWAYS YOU MV TEASER DROPPED LESS THAN 2 HOURS AGO AND I'M SO FUCKIN HYPED MY BOYS ARE ALL GROWN UP AND I'M GONNA CRY COME SCREAM WITH ME ON MY TUMBLR @AGUSTDND
> 
> Lmao at one point while typing this up I typed TroolzDoll instead of TrollzDoll and was legit on the floor laughing about it.
> 
> Also I've post 2/3 of all of the backstoy's on my Tumblr as well as the side by side comparison picture that was mentioned last chapter so go peep that
> 
> Oof I edited this on my phone and it was ROUGH 
> 
> Please keep in mind that comment's and kudo's are ALWAYS appreciated and literally make my day so don't hesitate to hmu
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading this and for the love and support y'all have shown me so far especially @JiminWreckedSugaBias who has been here since day one and who's comments never fail to bring a smile to my face


	6. Real Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ASTRO COMEBACK ASTRO COMEBACK ASTRO COMEBACK ASTRO COMEBACK ASTRO COMEBACK ASTRO COMEBACK ASTRO COMEBACK ASTRO COMEBACK ASTRO COMEBACK ASTRO COMEBACK ASTRO COMEBACK ASTRO COMEBACK

**Hott Hyungs and a Fetus**

 

 **Smol-ha** \- ok so I know I only just met some of you guys

 

 **Smol-ha** \- but I already love you and you’re kind of my only friends at this school

 

 **Smol-ha** \- so I want to introduce you guys to the most important person in my life

 

 **HappyVirus** \- SANHA NO YOU’RE TOO YOUNG TO DATE

 

 **Smol-ha** \- ok 1st of all I’m 17 hyung

 

 **Smol-ha** \- 2nd It’s not an S.O.

 

 **HAWTDAMN** \- Then who is it, Sanha?

 

 **eaxct** \- gotta admit I’m kinda curious

 

 **HappyVirus** \- wait shouldn’t we wait for Binnie and Rocky? They love tea

 

 **Smol-ha** \- it’s fine they already know

 

 **Smol-ha** \- I’m actually suprised they aren’t in here exposing me rn

 

 **eaxct** \- knowning them they probably stopped to eat after practice

 

 **Smol-ha** \- lol ok anyways

 

 **Smol-ha** \- I’d like to introduce you all to my big brother

 

 **Smol-ha** \- Kim Seokjin

 

 **Smol-ha** has added **Jinnie** to the chat

 

 **BinnieBoo** \- OMG Hyungs guess what

 

 **ElRocko** \- Sanha has a brother

 

 **Jinnie** \- ….Pleased to meet you

 

 **Jinnie** \- lol and I thought my friends were slow on the uptake

 

Binnie - AHHHHH

 

 **ElRocko** \- WE SUMMOMNED HIM

 

 **Jinnie** \- Not quite kiddo

 

 **Jinnie** \- anyway

 

 **Jinnie** \- which one of you is Kim Myungjun

 

 **HappyVirus** \- uh…..me?

 

 **Jinnie** \- Thank you so much for taking such great care of my brother it really means a lot to me

 

 **HappyVirus** \- oh….well...you’re welcome Seokjin-hyungnim

 

 **Jinnie** \- oh please call me Jin-hyung. That goes for all of you

 

 **Jinnie** \- now for introductions

 

 **eaxct** \- I’m Park Jinwoo

 

 **Jinnie** \- omg Joonie would die if he saw your screen name

 

 **HAWTDAMN** \- So does he; that’s kind of the point.

 

 **eaxct** \- Speaking of which, I have clearly learned my lesson. Can I change my name back, please?

 

 **HAWTDAMN** has changed **eaxct’s** name to **JinJin**

 

 **JinJin** \- Thanks

 

 **HAWTDAMN** \- Hi, Jin-hyung. I’m Lee Dongmin but, I believe you know me by my stage name, Cha Eunwoo.

 

 **Jinnie** \- lol that explains the screen name

 

 **BinnieBoo** \- he is a work of art

 

 **BinnieBoo** \- I mean

 

 **BinnieBoo** \- I’m Moon Bin

 

 **ElRocko** \- lmao panicked gay is panicked

  


**ElRocko** \- I’m Park Minhyuk but, you can you can call me Rocky

 

 **Jinnie** \- Park? Any relation to Park Jimin?

 

 **ElRocko** \- lmao Jimin-hyung wishes he was related to someone this cool

 

 **Jinnie** \- huh, I could of sworn one of you was related to of the wonder twins

 

 **Smol-ha** \- lol that’d be MJ-hyung, Taehyung-hyung’s cousin.

 

 **HappyVirus** \- omg you know Tae?

 

 **Jinnie** \- sure do

 

 **HappyVirus** \- I’m so sorry

 

 **Jinnie** \- eh don’t be I’ve gotten used to him

 

 **Jinnie** \- his weirdness has actually kind of grown on me

 

 **BinnieBoo** \- you mentioned you know Jimin-hyung?

 

 **Jinnie** \- yeah, I live with his boyfriend

 

 **BinnieBoo** \- Awesome

 

 **BinnieBoo** \- do me a favor and move in with your boyfriend so I’m not getting sexiled every other day

 

 **Smol-ha** \- ooooo that’s a good idea hyung that way Rocky-hyung won’t complain about how Binnie-hyung steals the covers when he stays over

 

 **Jinnie** \- believe me kids I would love to live with Joonie but he hasn’t asked me yet

 

 **HAWTDAMN** \- I don’t want to overstep my bounds but, you do know you could ask him, right?

 

 **Smol-ha** \- Dongmin-hyung’s right man up and do it already

 

 **Jinnie** \- alright fine but, only if you guys agree to help me move

 

 **JinJin** \- How do you even know he’ll say yes?

 

 **JinJin** \- I apologize of course he’ll say yes you’re in love

 

 **HappyVirus** \- much better

 

 **ElRocko** \- I forget how scary MJ-hyung can be sometimes

 

 **Smol-ha** \- we’d love to help you move hyung

 

 **Smol-ha** \- That way all of our friends can meet

 

 **ElRocko** \- oh….um…. idk about that

 

 **Smol-ha** \- Jungkook-hyung will be there

 

 **ElRocko** \- OF COURSE I WOULD LOVE TO HELP MY NEW FAVORITE HYUNG MOVE

 

 **Jinnie** \- what does Jungkook have to do with anything

 

 **Smol-ha** \- I’ll tell you later hyungie

 

 **Smol-ha** \- right now you have a question for Namjoonie-hyung

 

 **Jinnie** \- oh that

 

 **Smol-ha** \- yes that

 

 **Jinnie** \- alright here goes nothing

 

 **Jinnie** \- wish me luck

 

 **HAWTDAMN** \- Good Luck, Jin-hyung. I'm sure things will go perfectly.

 

 **Smol-ha** \- You don't need luck hyung. Namjoonie-hyung loves you and he's so whipped he'd do anything you asked.

 

 **Smol-ha** \- But rest assured; if, by some twist of fate, he does say no, I will personally hunt him down and beat him to an unrecognizable pulp. 

 

 **HappyVirus** \- ...

 

 **HappyVirus** \- Good Luck, hyung

 

 **JinJin** \- Good Luck, for his sake I hope he says yes

 

 **ElRocko** \- I mean good luck and all but, yeesh who knew Sanha was so Violent

 

 **BinnieBoo** \- ^^^

 

 **Smol-ha** \- :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MY BOYS ARE BACK AND THEY ARE SO STRONG AND BEAUTIFUL AND JUST UGH I'VE BEEN CRYING FOR THE PAST 48 HOURS PLEASE GO SUPPORT THEM IN ANYWAY YOU CAN THEY DO SO MUCH FOR US AND THEY DESERVE THE WORLD I NAMED THIS CHAPTER IN HONOR OF HOW MUCH I LOVE THEM, HOW MUCH THEY LOVE AROHA AND HOW MUCH SANHA AND JIN LOVE EACH OTHER IN MY FIC


	7. Gay or European?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back after what feels like forever. Sorry for the wait. I've been absolutely SWAMPED with school recently. I swear my course load might jut kill me this year. That being said I love writing and I love seeing your feedback so I'll try to write as much as possible.

Jinnie and Joonie

  
  


Jinnie - hey

 

Jinnie - I have something to ask you and I should probably do it in person, but I’m too nervous so I’m just going to text you.

 

Joonie - ….ok?

 

Jinnie - ok so first off I just wanna say that I love you and nothing will ever change that

 

Joonie - I love you too, more than words can say, but I gotta admit that you’re kinda scaring me here

 

Jinnie - It’s fine nothing to worry about but it’s kind of a big thing

 

Jinnie - it’s something I’ve been thinking about for awhile now and it would be a big change but I think that it would be good for us

 

Joonie - Jin I stg if you don’t spit it out

 

Jinnie - Namjoon, would you move in with me?

 

Joonie - asfjhfganf

 

Joonie - THAT’S WHAT YOU WANTED TO ASK?!?!?!?

 

Jinnie - well yeah

 

Joonie - YOU NEARLY GAVE ME A HEART ATTACK

 

Joonie - I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO ASK FOR A BREAK

 

Jinnie - what?!? NO I would never do that

 

Jinnie - why? You don’t want one do you?

 

Joonie - NO OF COURSE NOT

 

Jinnie - ok good

 

Joonie - I love you

 

Jinnie - I love you too

 

A Few Minutes Later

 

Joonie - I just realized I never gave you an answer

 

Jinnie - oh yeah

 

Jinnie - …….so?

 

Joonie - I would love to move in with you Jin

 

JInnie - AHHHH I’M SO EXCITED

 

Joonie - ME TOO!!!

 

Jinnie - where would we live tho?

 

Jinnie - like would I move into your apartment or would you move into mine? Or would we have to find a new place altogether?

 

Joonie - well you’ve got Yoongi-hyung and Jungkook and I’ve got Hobi and Jackson

 

Joonie - and neither of our places are big enough for four people

 

Joonie - so I guess we should look for a new place

 

Jinnie - already on it

 

Jinnie - come over and help me look

 

Joonie - omw

 

Jinnie has created a group chat with Joonie, MinSuga, HobiHobi, ChimChim, Taebae, Kookie, HappyVirus, JinJin, HAWTDAMN, BinnieBoo, ElRocko and Smol-ha

 

JInnie - peoples I have a big announcement

 

HobiHobi - This man is gay and european

 

HappyVirus - and neither is disgrace

 

Taebae - you’ve gotta stop your bein a completely closet case

 

HappyVirus -  It's me not her he's seein no matter what he say

 

Taebae - I swear he never, ever, ever swing the other way

 

ChimChim - you are so gay you big parfait you flaming one man cabaret 

 

MinSuga - I’m straight

 

HobiHobi - you were not yesterday

 

Smol-ha - so if I may I’m proud to say

 

Smol-ha - HE’S GAY

 

Jinnie - ….

 

Joonie - I have so very many thoughts on that

 

Kookie - it’s a musical hyung

 

Kookie - my only question is how Yoongi-hyung knows it

 

MinSuga - Hobi and Jimin have weekly musical nights

 

MinSuga - sometimes I join them

 

Taebae - sounds fake but ok

 

JinJin - I hate to interrupt but what is this? 

 

Jinnie - I’m glad you asked JinJin-ah

 

Jinnie - this, my children, is a group chat that merges my friend group with Sanha’s

 

HAWTDAMN - That explains why Taehyung’s here

 

Taebae - Dongmin!!!! Hi!!!!

 

HAWTDAMN - Hi, Tae.

 

HappyVirus - wow rude

 

HappyVirus - You didn’t say hi to me and I’m your cousin

 

Taebae - Hyung, I’m sorry please forgive me

 

HappyVirus - pay my cover at the club this weekend and I’ll consider it

 

Taebae - deal

 

ChimChim - Kim Taehyung.

 

ChimChim - you’re going clubbing with your amazingly fabulous cousin who you have yet to introduce me to and you didn’t invite me?

 

Taebae - calm down, Jimin. We’re going on friday and I didn’t invite you bc I know that’s your Yoongi and Hobi night

 

HappyVirus - we can hang out another day I’m dying to meet Tae’s elusive platonic soulmate

 

Jinnie - back to the subject at hand

 

Jinnie - Joonie and I are moving in together and we need all of your help to do it

 

Smol-ha - I was wondering when you were going to tell the rest of them. It’s been like a week since y’all told me

 

Kookie - I was mad for like two seconds before I remembered that y’all are literally brothers

 

Joonie - as we were saying

 

Joonie - Unfortunately that leaves Kookie, Yoongi, Hoseok and Jackson without a third roommate which means that unless they find a new one they’re rent goes up. Jin and I didn’t think that was fair so we figured we’d help you guys find new roommates and our first thought was to ask the group

 

Jinnie - obviously that will involve some figuring out

 

Joonie - with that in mind this chat serves two purposes

 

Jinnie - to get to know each other and to hash out all of the moving details

 

ElRocko - ok so that’s a lot of info to take in but can I just say how cute it is that y’all finish each others sentences

 

Taebae - ikr it’s like they’re made for each other

 

MinSuga - sickening

 

HobiHobi - Jimin was in your lap for a good 4 hours last night. You were petting his hair.

 

MinSuga - so? You sit in my lap all the time

 

ChimChim - so it’s cute

 

MinSuga - you guys are the cute ones.

 

MinSuga - I’m not cute.

 

HobiHobi - sounds fake but ok

 

Project Bros

 

Eunwoo-hyung - Hey, Jungkook?

 

Jungkookie - yeah?

 

Eunwoo-hyung - Are those three guys in the other chat all together? ChimChim, MinSuga and HobiHobi?

 

Jungkookie - Jimin and Yoongi, Chim and MinSuga, are and then Hoseok is just a friend

 

Eunwoo-hyung - Interesting…

 

Jungkookie - what is?

 

Eunwoo-hyung - oh nothing

 

Jinnie has named the group STAY ON TASK

 

JinJin - Introductions. Go.

 

Joonie - everyone here already knows Jin so I’ll start

 

Joonie - I’m Kim Namjoon. I currently live with Hoseok and Jackson. I’m 24 and I’m a music production major

 

MinSuga - I’m Min Yoongi. I currently live with Jin and Jungkook. I’m 25 and I’m also a music production major

 

HobiHobi - I’m Jung Hoseok. I’m 24 and I’m captain of the dance team

 

HappyVirus - I’m Kim Myungjun but y’all can call me MJ. I’m 23, I live w/ my bf Jinwoo and I’m a music major.

 

JinJin - I’m Park Jinwoo, 23 and a business major

 

ChimChim - I’m Park Jimin. I currently live with Binnie. I’m 22 and I’m double majoring in fine arts and engineering 

 

Taebae - I’m Kim Taehyung. I live with Dongmin. I’m 22 and I’m a fine arts major

 

HAWTDAMN - Hello, I’m Lee Dongmin, but some of you may know me as Cha Eunwoo. I’m 21 and I’m double majoring in microbiology and fine arts. I also act, sing, play piano and model on the side.

 

BinnieBoo - I’d call you an overachiever but you’re too impressive. Seriously how do you have any time left over to have fun?

  
  


HAWTDAMN - umm…..I don’t? I spend my free time studying. I enjoy it, but it’s not your average idea of a fun time.

Taebae - can confirm that Dongmin has no life outside of school and work

 

Taebae - I keep trying to get him to come out clubbing with me but he’s too stubborn

 

HAWTDAMN - No, I’m not. I just don’t like clubs. That’s all.

 

BinnieBoo - There are plenty of ways to have fun and not go to a club you just have to go out and fine them

 

HAWTDAMN - I don’t know about that. I have a lab due in two weeks and I haven’t even started editing it yet.

 

BInnieBoo - it can wait one night come get dinner with me and I’ll show you what I like to do for fun

 

HAWTDAMN - oh….ok pm me the details

 

BinnieBoo - will do ;)

 

A Few Minutes Later

 

BinnieBoo - ok so me and Dongmin are gonna head out soon so I’ll introduce myself now and then read up later

 

BinnieBoo - I’m Moon Bin. I’m 20. I’m double majoring in chemistry and fine arts and I dance and sing on the side

 

ElRocko - now who’s the overachiever?

 

BinnieBoo - S H U T

 

HAWTDAMN - bye guys we’ll be back

 

BinnieBoo - see you later

 

MinSuga - so we all agree that A) they’re on a date rn and B) they’re perfect for each other, right?

 

Jinnie - absolutly

 

Jonnie - of course

 

HobiHobi - well duh

 

ChimChim - I love when ships I’ve only had for 5 seconds are already sailing

 

HappyVirus - lol we totally called it

 

ElRocko - yep

 

Smol-ha - I’ve never seen Dongmin-hyung like this with anyone

 

JinJin - same with Bin

 

Taebae - glad it’s not just me

 

Kookie - yeah lol ok they’re cute but it’s MInhyuk's turn

 

ChimChim - *ship captain’s voice* All Aboard

 

ElRocko - ???

 

Kookie - ignore him

 

ElRocko - lol ok

 

ElRocko - I’m Park Minhyuk, but everyone calls me Rocky. I live with Sanha. I’m 19 and I’m a fine arts major

 

Smol-ha - so Kookie-hyung is older

 

Smol-ha - interesting……

 

ElRocko - S H U T

 

Kookie - stfu you fuckin noodle

 

Jinnie - Jeon Jungkook.

 

Jinnie - That’s strike 1

 

Kookie - but hyung

 

Jinnie has removed Kookie from the group

 

Jinnie - no buts :)

 

HappyVirus - ummmm….what?

 

Taebae - Jin-hyung made a rule that none of us can swear in front of Sanha and if we do he kicks us from the group. We get 3 strikes

 

Smol-ha - but hyung I swear all the time

 

JinJin - yeah MJ has tried to get him to stop, but he swears the most out of all of us

 

Jinnie - ok so before I murder Jungkook

 

Jinnie - let me write him a nice eulogy

 

Taebae - RIP in pieces

 

JInnie - Jeon Jungkook was a 21 year old fine arts major at Seoul National University. Before he was asphyxiated, he was an invaluable member of the dance team. He is remembered by his family, his friends and his roomates, KIm seokjin and Min Yoongi.

 

Smol-ha - omfg Hyung you drama queen

 

Jinnie - not now baby hyungie has a murder to plan. We can talk about you bad habits when I’m finished

 

Smol-ha - jfc

 

Smol-ha - aight mofos listen up

 

HappyVirus - Sanha!

 

Smol-ha - My name’s Yoon Sanha. I’m 18 years old. I’m a fine arts major. I live with Minhyuk, he can be a pain in my ass sometimes but he’s ok. I just joined the dance team and I sing sometimes. One thing you should know about me is I curse. ALL THE FUCKIN TIME. I’ve been cursing since I was, no shit, 8 years old. I learned from my brother who would trash talk the other players when he played mario kart in his room. I started coping him bc A) that shit was fuckin funny and B) I wanted to be just like him. 

 

Smol-ha - so there you go hyung it isn’t Jungkook-hyung’s fault, it’s yours so if you’re going to strangle anyone for ‘corrupting” me, it should be yourself

 

Smol-ha - oh also I really like emojis and I can do aegyo like nobody’s business so some people think I’m cute. And I am

  
  


Smol-ha - I’m a Worldwide Cutie just like my hyung

 

MinSuga - holy shit there really are two of them

 

Joonie - I got JIn to read that and now he’s on the floor crying

 

Smol-ha - oh hyungie please don’t cry I’m sorry I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings I’ll stop cussing I promise just please don’t cry

 

Joonie - he’s crying even harder now so he can’t type but he said he doesn’t care if you cuss he loves you and you’re the best brother he could ever ask for and he doesn’t deserve you

 

ElRocko - oof Sanha just burst into tears and ran out the door

 

ElRocko - I think he’s headed to Jin-hyung’s place

 

ChimChim - ugh that’s so cute I’m soft

 

MinSuga - meet at Hobi’s for cuddles?

 

ChimChim - please

 

HobiHobi - I have ice cream and blankets

 

ChimChim - ai lobe yu gus

 

HappyVirus - are….are you crying?

 

ChimChim - …..no

 

Taebae - liar

 

Taebae - you always type like that when you cry

 

ChimChim - fuckoff Tae

 

Joonie - Sanha just ran in, crying, and tackled Jin shouting something about having the best brother in the world

 

Joonie - They’re cuddling on the couch now

 

Joonie - I tried to take a picture but they heard me and screamed at me to delete it because they were ‘post-cry ugly’

 

Joonie - I feared for my life

 

HappyVirus - See JinJin, I told you post-cry ugly was a thing

 

JinJin - nope no it’s not you’re always beautiful

 

ElRocko - disgusting

 

HappyVirus has added Kookie to the group

 

ElRocko - Hi Kookie!!! I’m glad you’re back and that you’re alright

 

HappyVirus - Now who’s disgusting?

 

Kookie - it’s definitely not Minhyuk

 

Kookie - he’s too pretty to be disgusting

 

ElRocko - asghafdhgaf

 

Taebae - wow Kookie Jiminie told me you finally grew a pair but I didn’t believe him

 

Kookie -  [stfu](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/agustdnd)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so that's all I have written so far, but I have a rough plan of where I want this story to go. I now have all of the back stories up on my Tumblr (I put the link in Junkook's last message bc I can't figure out how in the fuck ao3 works) as well as that side by side comparison picture. Everything is under the tag agustdnd's fics. I'll comeback and edit this later but rn it's legit 2 am and I have a class at 8 so yeet


	8. The Bean Debacle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BinnieBoo - I’m broke, lazy and I can’t cook. Beans are my solution
> 
> HAWTDAMN - Why can’t you make ramen like everyone else?!?
> 
> BinnieBoo - I NEED PROTEIN!!!
> 
> HAWTDAMN - THEN EAT A DAMN SANDWICH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M BAAAAAACK
> 
> I'm sorry for ghostin y'all but it's been a wild couple weeks. I don't love this chapter as much as I'd like, but I felt bad about leaving this alone for so long so I posted it anyway. Don't hate me too much.
> 
> TW FOR MINOR RECREATIONAL DRUG USE

**STAY ON TASK**

Taebae - alright sluts

 

Jinnie - Kim Taehyung.

 

Taebae - relax hyung, we all know Sanha’s not the pure angel you thought he was. He’ll be fine if we curse

 

Joonie - he’s right babe

 

Jinnie - … 

 

Jinnie - fine

 

Taebae - aight back to my very important questions

 

Taebae - do y’all think it’s ok to eat cold beans straight from the can?

 

MinSuga - hey quick question, what the fuck?

 

HAWTDAMN - Not this again

 

HappyVirus - KIM TAEHYUNG

 

HappyVirus - Don’t even think about polling the group to rationalize your unnatural behavior

 

BinnieBoo - what’s wrong with cold beans?

 

HAWTDAMN - Not you, too!

 

HappyVirus - BEANS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE EATEN HOT YOU HEATHENS

 

Jinnie - I need to know which of my children think this is acceptable behavior so that they can be dealt with accordingly

 

Jinnie - start in age descending order and give a simple yes or no. No need to make this more difficult than it already is.

 

MinSuga - Hell No

 

HobiHobi - No.

 

HappyVirus - absolutely not.

 

JinJin - no

 

Joonie - idk I mean I’ve never tried it

 

Jinnie - *gasp*

 

Jinnie - JOONIE HOW COULD YOU?!?

 

Joonie - I didn’t do anything, babe. I’m just saying that I can’t give an opinion without having all the information first

 

Jinne - I can’t believe it. My own husband; a cold bean sympathizer.

 

Joonie - oml babe calm down it’s not a big deal

 

Jinnie - Not a big deal?!?! NOT A BIG DEAL!!!?!?!!?

 

JinJin - okaaaay somebody else go before Jin-hyung completely loses it

 

ChimChim - I guess that’s me then

 

ChimChim - yes

 

HobiHobi - WHAT?!?!

 

MinSuga - Jimin no

 

ChimChim - Jimin Yes! There’s absolutely nothing wrong with eating cold beans out of the can every once in awhile

 

MinSuga - … 

 

MinSuga - we’re breaking up

 

ChimChim - omfg you big baby

 

MinSuga - Hobi’s my boyfriend now

 

HobiHobi - Jimin, you’re off the dance team.

 

ChimChim - what why???

 

HobiHobi - I can’t dance with my boyfriend’s ex

 

ChimChim - jfc you’re both drama queens

 

ChimChim - fine. I’ll leave y’all alone and continue to eat beans however I damn well please

 

ChimChim - yallz asses won’t last 3 days without me. You’ll miss me too much

 

Taebae - Jimin, now that you’re single, why don’t you come clubbing with me tonight? We can eat beans while we get ready

 

HappyVirus - Tae look what you did

 

HappyVirus - You ruined YoonMin!

 

Taebae - *shrugs* more Jimin for me

 

HAWTDAMN - No from me, but Jinwoo-hyung went out of turn.

 

JinJin - oml the author has 14 people to keep track of, Dongmin, get off his back. He’s doing his best.

 

HAWTDAMN - What?

 

JinJin - nothing

 

Kookie - is this a bad time to say I like cold beans better?

 

JinJin - Yes, yes t is.

 

Kookie - Y E E T

 

BinnieBoo - I eat cold beans at least once a week

 

HAWTDAMN - ugh I can’t believe I have a crush on someone with such terrible eating habits

 

BinnieBoo - I’m broke, lazy and I can’t cook. Beans are my solution

 

HAWTDAMN - Why can’t you make ramen like everyone else?!?

 

BinnieBoo - I NEED PROTEIN!!!

 

HAWTDAMN - THEN EAT A DAMN SANDWICH

 

BinnieBoo - wait

 

BinnieBoo - did you just say you have a crush on me?

 

HAWTDAMN - YES!!!

 

HAWTDAMN - I might have to seriously rethink my taste in men in light of recent information, but yes, I have a crush on you

 

BinnieBoo - …

 

Jinnie - ok as much as I’m loving this rn imma need y’all to put a pin it until we sort out the beans issue

 

Jinnie - who’s next?

 

ElRocko - me

 

Jinnie - and…?

 

ElRocko - it’s not like they’re raw

 

JinJin - oh god, Rocky not you too

 

ElRocko - am I wrong?

 

HobiHobi - legally? No. but morally? Without a doubt

 

JinJin - I had to take MJ’s phone

 

JinJin - he was getting too emotional

 

Taebae - if anyone should be getting emotional it’s Jimin

 

Taebae - he just lost his boyfriend, their mutual bestfriend and his spot on the dance team 

 

Taebae - but he’s fine

 

ChimChim - lmao if any of that was real I’d be a goddamn mess, but Yoons and Seokie are just joking

 

ChimChim - here look at our chat

 

~~~

**Rice Krispies**

 

Crackle - Minnie you know we were just joking right?

 

Pop - I would never kick you off the team

 

Snap - lmao of course I know that

 

Snap - you guys would never do something so personal in the GC

 

Pop - oh thank god I was worried you’d think I stole Yoons from you

 

Crackle - I would never break up with you period

 

Crackle - I love you

 

Snap - I love you too

 

Snap - besides you guys already knew I eat cold beans

 

Pop - and as disgusting and unnatural as that is we love you anyway

 

Crackle - lol he’s right. You were wrong tho

 

Snap - how’s that?

 

Crackle - we wouldn’t last three minutes without you Minnie; we love you too much

 

Pop - in fact

 

Pop - I  miss you both rn come over

 

Crackle - I’ve got blankets and ice cream

 

Snap - CUDDLES FUCK YEAH

 

~~~

 

Taebae - but the club…

 

HobiHobi - sucks to suck bean head

 

ChimChim - Sorry Tae you know I’m a slut for cuddles

 

Taebae - :(

 

JinJin - ok Sanha you’re up

  
  


ElRocko - he hasn’t said a word for this entire thing

 

Kookie - don’t you two live together?

 

ElRocko - yeah why?

 

Kookie - can’t you tell him to check his phone?

 

ElRocko - I would but I’m not home

 

Kookie - oh

 

JinJin - So where is he?

 

Smol-ha - I’m here I had class 

 

HappyVirus - FINALLY 

 

HappyVirus - Sanha, tell these Animals that it’s 120% not ok to eat cold beans straight form the can!

 

Smol-ha - what kind of beans?

 

JinJin - does it matter

 

ElRocko - Pinto, lima or kidney

 

ElRocko - dealer’s choice

 

Smol-ha - pinto and lima are ok, but not kidney

 

Jinnie - …

 

Kookie - uh oh

 

HappyVirus - uh oh is right

 

HappyVirus - YOON SANHA YOU COME OVER RIGHT THIS SECOND AND EAT SOME REAL FOOD

 

JinJin - babe neither of us can cook

 

HappyVirus - but he needs to be fed

 

HappyVirus - these heretics have brainwashed him into thinking cold beans are an adequate meal

 

ElRocko - so Sanha’s the only brainwahsed one

 

ElRocko - I see how it is

 

Kookie - it’s ok Rocky we can fend for ourselves

 

HappyVirus - no wait

 

HappyVirus - I’m sorry I love you all

 

ElRocko - mmhmm

 

Kookie - sounds fake but ok

 

HappyVirus - :(

 

Joonie - So Jin is out for Tae’s blood

 

Taebae - what no I didn’t do anything!

 

Kookie - you corrupted us

 

ElRocko - Yeah we’re just kids we don’t know how to feed ourselves

 

Taebae - I DID NO SUCH THING

 

Kookie - You’re a predator

 

ElRocko - you prey on young defenseless children

 

Kookie - Children like us

 

Taebae - YOU TAKE THAT BACK

 

ElRocko - P

 

Kookie - R

 

ElRocko - E

 

Kookie - D

 

ElRocko - A

 

Kookie - T

 

ElRocko - O

 

Kookie - R

 

ElRocko - What’s that spell?

 

Kookie - Kim Taehyung

 

Jinnie - ok I feel the need to interject here. Y’all can finish taunting each other like school children when I’m done

 

HappyVirus - school children lol

 

JinJin - babe now is not the time

 

Jinnie - @Smol-ha we’ve been having this debate for almost 3 hours

 

Jinnie - what class are you in that lasts that long

 

Smol-ha - music composition

 

Joonie - Who’s your professor?

 

Smol-ha - Dr.Lee

 

Jinnie - oh that’s fine then Dr.Lee’s a great teacher

 

JinJin - I thought you were a food science major?

 

Jinnie - oh I am. I never took her class

 

HappyVirus - Then how do you know she’s good?

 

Jinnie - Yoongi TA’s for her and won’t shut up about how awesome she is

 

Kookie - oh cool I didn’t know that

 

Taebae - oh so now you act civilized?

 

Kookie - :b

 

HappyVirus - Tae you wouldn’t know civility if it hit you in the head

 

Jinnie - Don’t be harsh MJ it’s not his fault

 

ElRocko - come again for big fudge

 

JinJIn - just a second ago you were ‘out for Tae’s blood’ what changed?

 

Jinnie - well Joonie was trying to talk me down

 

Joonie - key word being try

 

Jinnie - and something he said got to me

 

Jinnie - Tae doesn’t know any better

 

Taebae - wat?

 

Jinnie - think about it

 

Jinnie - you’re a broke college student on your own for the first time

 

Jinnie - up until now your parents fed you but now you’re expected to fend for yourself with little to no guidance

 

Jinnie - it’s only natural for you to gravitate to foods that are cheap and easily accessible

 

Jinnie - and your friends, fellow lost and hungry children, saw this and thought ‘what a wonderful means of survival’ and followed your example

 

Jinnie - as your mentor it was my responsibility to teach you right from wrong and I’ve failed

 

Jinnie - I am sorry my children. I’m a terrible parent.

 

Taebae - No hyung you’re perfect

 

Kokkie - please don’t blame yourself hyung

 

Elrocko - we’ll stop eating beans we promise

 

Smol-ha - …

 

Jinnie - nonsense children I’ve failed you and therefore I must relinquish my title as parent. Just know that I love you all. Be good for MJ, he’s your parent now

 

JinJIn - wait what?

 

HappyVirus - come my son’s come into your parent’s embrace

 

Smol-ha - jfc y’all are so fucking dramatic

 

Smol-ha - alright hyung if we’re children then what about Namjoonie-hyung? He’s not young and naive anymore, but he still thinks it’s ok

 

Joonie - I don’t have an opinion either way

 

Jinnie - hush interloper

 

Smol-ha - what’s his excuse?

 

Jinnie - …

 

Taebae - oof Joon finna get reamed

 

Kookie - I mean you’re not wrong but phrasing 

 

ElRocko - ^^^ please for the love of god

 

Taebae - :b

 

Jinnie - Kim Namjoon is a bean sociopath

 

HappyVirus - whoop there it is

 

ElRocko - sociopath?

 

Jinnie - he knows right from wrong, he just doesn’t care

 

Joonie - jfc

 

Jonnie - They’re just Beans!!!!

 

Soml-ha - my point exactly hyung

 

Jinnie - oh Sanha not you too

 

Smol-ha - oml hyung it doesn’t matter. At least we’re eating right?

 

Jinnie - That’s it. That is the final straw

 

Kokkie - JIn-hyung just did a heckin zoom outta his room. I didn’t even know he was home

 

Jonnie - oh god he’s running. It’s never good when he runs

 

Taebae - lmao somebody boutta get they ass beat

 

JinJIn - I foresee this going very badly

 

HappyVirus - Nothing bad can come from the serving of justice

 

Kookie - he left with a tote bag

 

ElRocko - it holds his ass whoopin tools

 

Kookie - lol

 

Taebae - any bets on who dies tonight?

 

HappyVirus - you

 

Taebae - r00d

 

JinJin - it won’t be Tae

 

JinJin - Jin-hyung already pardoned him

 

Taebae - thank fuck

 

ElRocko - if not him then who?

 

Kookie - Sanha?

 

Joonie - oh please hell will freeze over before JIn reprimands his precious Ddana

 

Taebae - lol tru

 

HappyVirus - You guys still need to eat

 

HappyVirus - you 3 get ready Jinwoo and I are taking you to dinner we’ll be there in 10 mins

 

ElRocko - what about the others?

 

Taebae - Dongmin left about 45 mins ago muttering something about a gay disaster so I figure he’s got Moonbin handled

 

JinJin - lol yeah he’s texting me freaking out about it

 

HappyVirus - so Moonbin is off being gay, Jimin has a boyfriend to feed him and Jin will take care of Sanha

 

Kookie - fair enough

 

ChimChim - asfdlkjlzdfsh

 

Taebae - you good Chim?

 

HobiHobi - He’s on the fuckin floor

 

ElRocko - why?

 

ChimChim - i cnat bRetah

 

HappyVirus - OH MY GOD HELP HIM

 

HobiHobi - nah he’s fine he’s just laughing

 

Taebae - jfc DON’T SCARE ME LIKE THAT

 

JinJin - What’s so funny?

 

HobiHobi - Jin ran in and all but kicked Namjoon’s door down. He then proceeded to drag him out, shove him into a chair and force feed him cold beans

 

Kookie - ROTFL

 

**Yoongi - > Sanha **

Yoongi - hey

 

Sanha - Hi, Hyung.

 

Yoongi - I know we just met and I don’t know you that well, but you’re Jin-hyung’s little brother so you’re family by extension

 

Sanha - aww that’s sweet hyung thank you

 

Yoongi - and because you’re family I have to ask

 

Yoongi - Why did you lie to JIn-hyung?

 

Sanha - what? Lol

 

Yoongi - cut the bullshit Sanha 

 

Yoongi - you said you were in Professor Lee’s class today when I know for a fact that she cancelled all of her classes for today

 

Sanha - … fuck

 

Yoongi - I don’t need to know specifics just tell me you’re ok

 

Sanha - I

 

Sanha - god it would would be so fucking easy to say I’m fine and be done with it but I’m tired, I have a headache and I’m high out of my mind

 

Sanha - I’m not fine and I need someone to talk to who won’t be overly emotional or judgy but who still cares

 

Yoongi - where are you?

 

Sanha - it’s fine hyung

 

Yoongi - no it’s not

 

Yoongi - you need to talk and I’m more than willing to listen

 

Yoongi - I’m told I’m a good cuddler if it helps

 

Sanha has sent a location

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In no particular order: Some Notes
> 
> ~ I'm sorry for the angst at the end there (no I'm not it's necessary to the plot). I have big things planned for this fic so y'all best hold on to your wigs.  
> ~ Did y'all pep my fourth wall breakage? How do you guys feel about that? I'm always kind of iffy about it when other people write it, but it just snuck in there.  
> ~ There's nothing wrong with eating cold beans y'all are just mean  
> ~ Rice Krispies is spelled with a K and my entire life is a lie  
> ~ Ayyyy Binu are gettin their shit together  
> ~ MinKook Bonding Fuck Yeah  
> ~ Yoonmin is goals af  
> ~ I love Jin's dramatic ass so fuckin much y'all oml  
> ~ come follow me on Tumblr @agustdnd  
> ~ 11/12 Edit: I just posted Part One of the Smol Angery Gays Backstory on my Tumblr so be sure to check it out


	9. The Weight of a Schlong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya! Sorry it's been so long since I updated. Life has been more than a little crazy. I hope y'all had a good Holiday Season and Happy New Year. I want to thank JiminWreckSugaBias for helping me out with this one. If y'all haven't already you should really go check out their work; it's amazing and I love it so much.

Tol and Smol

****

Smol - Kim Taehyung.

****

Tol - oh shit

****

Smol - I’ve been waiting a full ass week for you to spill the tea on you and Jackson. I’ve given you space bc I respect your privacy but I wanna know GDI

****

Tol - jfc Chim chill out ok it’s not that big a deal

****

Tol - we hooked up at Yugeom’s party two weeks ago and it kinda just escalated from there

****

Smol - escalated? Wtf does that mean?

****

Tol - well I mean his dick game bomb af and I’m a thirsty bitch so ig we’re fuck buddies now?

****

Smol - YASS BITCH GET IT

****

Tol - fuck JImin he’s so hot oml like he was always hot but you get a new appreciateion for someone once you’ve seen them cum

****

Smol- god don’t I know it Yoongi’s sex faces are fucking art

****

Tol - speaking of Yoongi

****

Tol - BITCH HE’S SO FUCKING WHIPPED FOR YOU

****

Tol - those screenshots in the gc last night were the cutest fucking thing oml

****

Smol- god I KNOW

****

Smol - I have a whole folder full of our screenshots that I read through sometimes

****

Tol - oooh can I see some?

****

Smol - yeah gimme a sec

****

Tol - ugh I can’t wait

****

Smol - shit

****

Tol - what? 

****

Smol - uh nothing look Tae I’m sorry but I gtg

****

Tol - wait why? Is everything ok? Are you ok?

****

Smol - yeah I’m fine don’t worry I’ll explian later ok?

****

Tol - ok…..?

****

STAY ON TASK

****

Joonie - YOU CAN’T GET AN ACCURATE MEASUREMENT THAT WAY

****

MinSuga - guys

****

Taebae - Yes! You can! You just put your dick on the scale! It’s that easy!

****

HAWTDAMN - No, it’s not. It won’t be accurate because you can’t remove all of the factors your body puts on the outcome. You’re either supporting it with the rest of your body because you’re standing, therefor making the scale interpret the weight as lighter than it actually is. Or you’re pressing it down on to the scale because you’ve bent your legs too much, there more the scale will interpret it as heavier than it is in actuality. The only way that method could work would be if you can get your penis to be exactly level on the scale, which means you’d have to bend your legs exactly the right amount and then you wouldn’t be able to move. It’s improbable.

****

MinSuga - Guys.

****

HobiHobi - So what you’re saying is the only way to know how much my dick weighs is to cut it off

****

HappyVirus - Which no one would ever do so we’re back to my idea

****

Joonie - NO!

****

Taebae - then how will I ever know how much a bag of dicks weighs? Is it universal? Like a bushell? Or is it subjective like a bag of potatoes? Also how is this information not already available? I should be able to google What is the average weight of a human penis and be greeted with numerous scholarly articles on the subject. Don’t doctors have to know this? If they get to know why can’t I? IT ISN’T FAIR

****

MinSuga - g u y s

****

HAWTDAMN - Theoretically, the best way to find out would be through water displacement. You’d just have to make sure the graduated cylinder is wide enough so, you know, it doesn’t get,,,, uh stuck.

****

Joonie - oh that’s really smart how come I didn’t think of that?

****

Taebae - Hobi and MJ come to the store with me. Tonight We Weigh A Schlong.

****

HobiHobi - already on my way.

****

HappyVirus - Dongmin what else do we need?

****

HAWTDAMN - Graduated cylinder, measuring cups, water, paper and pencil for notes, calculator and a camera for posterity

****

HappyVirus - done

****

HobiHobi - Yours or mine, Tae?

****

Taebae - why not both?

****

MinSuga - GUYS

****

HobiHobi - jeez there’s no need to yell

****

MinSuga - ….. Lord give me the strength

****

Taebae - HALLELUJAH 

****

Joonie - what’d you want to say, hyung?

****

MinSuga - Thanks Joon

****

MinSuga - is everyone here it’s important?

****

BinnieBoo - Rocky, Jungkook and Jinwoo left at the beginning of all this , Jin-hyung is at work, Jimin’s in class, idk where Sanha is and I was lurking bc as entertaining as all of that was I had nothing to add to it.

****

MinSuga - I’ll take care of Sanha and Jimin. Joon call Jin and tell him to take his break. The rest of you can handle the other 3

****

Taebae - what’s so important that you need all of us here at one time?

****

MinSuga - I’m lazy and I only want to type it out once ok?

****

HappyVIrus - that’s valid

****

BinnieBoo - Rocky and Jungkook were practicing, but they’re here now.

****

ChimChim - wow wow wow is this Rookie development I smell?

****

Kookie - wtf is a Rookie?

****

Jinnie - you and Rocky’s shipname

****

ElRocko - ?

****

Smol-ha - Rocky+Kookie=Rookie

****

JinJin - ngl that’s pretty cute

****

BinnieBoo - ok we’re all here now hyung

****

BinnieBoo - @MinSuga what did you want to say?

****

MinSuga - oh yeah

****

MinSuga - We need to start walking around campus in groups

****

Taebae - wtf why?

****

MinSuga - bc it’s a big campus and it’s dangerous that’s why

****

Jinnie - I mean I agree but you’ve been walking around this big scary campus for almost 4 years now

****

Jinnie - why are you only bringing this up now?

****

MinSuga - just heard some weird rumors lately that’s all

****

JinJin - what rumors?

****

MinSuga - oh you know muggings and stuff

****

Joonie - I haven’t heard anything like that

****

MinSuga - I heard it from my dealer buddy

****

Joonie - ~_~

****

Kookie - drug dealer rumors or not I can take care of myself

****

Jinnie - Jeon Jeonguk, you will walk with someone with you at all times or so help me god I will beat your ass 

****

Kookie - k but why should I?

****

MinSuga - bc I fucking care about you dumbass

****

HappyVirus - awe hyung you’re so soft I love it

****

MinSuga - …

****

HAWTDAMN - If everyone sends me their schedule I can do a buddy chart.

****

BinnieBoo - oooh I love charts can I help?

****

HAWTDAMN - Sure :D

****

ElRocko - Gay

****

Taebae - so are we still on for weighing the dicks or…?

****

HappyVirus - I’ll be at your place in 10 with the supplies

********  
  


Sanha and Yoongi

****

Sanha - There were never any rumors were there?

****

Yoongi - I have no idea what you’re talking about

****

Sanha - Thank You, hyung

****

Yoongi - You’re Welcome Sanha

****

Sanha has changed Yoongi’s name to Cheese

****

Sanha has changed their name to Noodle

****

Cheese - wtf?

 

Noodle has named the chat Cheesy Noodles

 

Noodle - cheesy noodles are my comfort food

****

Cheese - so mac and cheese?

****

Noodle - no cheesy noodles are different

****

Cheese - sounds fake but ok

****

Noodle - also you just radiate cheese energy

****

Cheese - …

****

Cheese - that’s valid

****

Cheese - you look like a noodle

****

Noodle - well you are what you eat

****

Cheese - in that case I guess I’m Jimin’s ass

****

Noodle - …

****

Noodle - you made it weird

****

Cheese - yeah no I see it it’s weird forget I said anything

****

Bin and Dongmin 

****

Bin - hey, hyung?

****

Dongmin - Bin it’s 2am

****

Bin - shit sorry I couldn’t sleep nvm go back to bed

****

Dongmin - No, please don’t apologize I was already awake.

****

Bin - oh ok

****

Dongmin - So what did you want to talk about?

****

Bin - o o f

****

Bin - ok this is gonna sound really stupid but I need to know honestly this is probably something most people would ask face to face, but I’m terrible with words and I get nervous around cute boys and you are by far the cutest boy I’ve ever seen it’s a miracle I can even brethe when you’re around let alone have an actual conversation I mean I’m normally so awkward not that I wasn’t awkwasrd it’s just I felt idk realxed around you? Maybe safe is a better word? Or comfortable? I’m not sure if this makes sense but I feel like I can talk to you about anything. And I really like it. Talking to you that is. And you. I like you too. Like alot. More than I probably should I mean we just met, but yeah I really like you. And I’ve really loved spending so much time with you lately. I actually can’t stop thinking about you. And when I do I get a goofy smile on my face and I blush like a madman. Minhyuck tesases me for it all the time. But I don’t really care. I mean it’s you, who wouldn’t smile when thinking about you? So yeah I like you a lot and I really really have t know, but I’m scared that you’re gonna say no, bc let’s face it you’re way out of my league and I know you said you liked me but we’ve been hanging out a lot more recently and I’m terrified that you’ve changed your mind bc now you’ve gotten to know me better and I’m not who you thought I was.

****

Dongmin - I like you; I truly do. I like the fact that your eyes scrunch when you smile. I like watching you dance. I love the way you laugh. I love how smart and caring and passionate you are. I love how crazy you are about food. I love that you curl up in a ball when you sleep. I am ‘not out of your league’. That’s bullshit, Binnie. I care about you and being with you these last couple days has only made that feeling strong for me. And if I’m being honest that terrifies me. I’ve never felt like this about anyone before and I’m lost. And I don’t want to mess this up. But please don’t ever think that I don’t feel the same way you do. I like you so much it hurts, Moon Bin, and I’m beyond happy to hear you feel the same. 

****

Bin - oh- oh my god- I wow ok I had a question but just like uh,,,,, give me a minute 

****

Dongmin - Whatever you need; anything for you.

****

Bin - Holy wow,,, you like me You like me.  _ You _ like me. You  _ Like _ me. You like  _ me _ . YOU LIKE ME?!?!????!! How??? WHy???? I uh wow holy shit wow

****

Dongmin - You’re cute, Binnie, but there wasn’t a question in there.

****

Bin - I think you’ll find that if you look closely there are several questions

****

Dongmin - Let me rephrase then: There wasn’t a pertinent question

****

Bin - hhnnn fine

****

Bin - Are we boyfriends?

****

Dongmin - ajbsifghbsdi

****

Dongmin - I mean is that what you want?

****

Bin - I thought I was pretty obvious

****

Dongmin - Then yeah, I guess we’re boyfriends

****

Bin - !!!

****

Bin has changed Dongmin’s name to The Sun

Bin has changed their name to The Moon

Bin has changed the chat name to Boyfriends

****

The Sun - Go to sleep weirdo, we’ll talk in the morning

********  
  


Girl Group Enthusiasts

****

TwiceStan - soooooo…….

****

Mamamoonbin - How can one word be so unsettleing? 

****

f(x)Comeback2k19 - ooooh nice word choice

****

Mamamoonbin - ikr I’ve been trying to expand my vocabulary

****

RedVelvetRock - it’s cute how you try to impress Dongmin-hyung

****

Mamamoonbin - b i t c h

****

TwiceStan - excuse me 8’s a 10 was talking

****

f(x)Comeback2k19 -  -_-

****

TwiceStan - not now babe I’m interrogating our children

****

TwiceStan - Minhyuck

****

RedVelvetRock - lol who’s Minhyuck idk her

****

TwiceStan - listen you little shit are you or are you not dating Jungkook?

****

RedVelvetRock - lmao what? No we’re just friends

****

Mamamoonbin - wtf did you just say to me?

****

RedVelvetRock - Jungkook and I are just friends. He doesn’t like me like that.

****

f(x)Comeback2k19 - Your dumbassery is truly astounding

****

TwiceStan - Where are you, MInhyuck?

****

RedVelvetRock - why???

****

TwiceStan - so I can beat some sense into you

****

RedVelvetRock - well in that case I’m hiding

****

Mamamoonbin - he’s in the forgiegn language section of the East Library

****

RedVelvetRock - BRO how could you

****

Mamamoonbin - how’s it feel BITCH

****

RedVelvetRock - ….. That’s valid

****

f(x)Comeback2k19 - Why are y’all like this?

********  
  


ChimChim created Shipventory

ChimChim added HobiHobi, Jinnie, Joonie, BinnieBoo and Kookie

****

ChimChim - welcome gays

****

BinnieBoo - I’m actually biromantic asexual

****

ChimChim - *welcome queers

****

BinnieBoo - (^x^)

****

Kookie - wtf is thi

****

ChimChim - this is me doing ship inventory wtf does it look like

****

HobiHobi - these are Jimin’s nosey hoe hours

****

BinnieBoo - so like all the time?

****

ChimChim - choke

****

BinnieBoo - no thanks I’m not into that

****

Jinnie - why aren’t Tae and Yoongi here?

****

HobiHobi - Yoongi likes to pretend he doesn’t care about ships and it’s easier to do that if he just reads whatever screenshots Jimin and I show him

****

ChimChim - that and he’s working

****

Joonie - I happen to know for a fact that Tae is,,,  _ otherwise occupied  _

****

Kookie - lol what?

****

Jinnie - lmao

****

Jinnie - this bitch called me an hour ago asking to come over immediatly and I was like awe he misses me

****

Jinnie - turns out Tae showed up at their apartment while Joon and Jackson were playing video games and just walks in the door sits in Jacksons lap and starts making out with him

****

Joonie - I ran as soon as I could

****

Jinnie - smh I thought my boyfriend wanted to cuddle but his ass was just sexiled

****

Kookie - since when are they a thing?

****

HobiHobi - apperently they hooked up at Yugeom’s party and now they’re fuck buddies

****

Kookie - is there tea you don’t have

****

HobiHobi - not really no

****

Kookie - good to know

****

Kookie - yanno I always wanted to try that

****

ChimChim - what fwb?

****

Kookie - yeah, all sex, no work, who wouldn’t want that

****

BinnieBoo - me

****

Jinnie - I tried it once. It didn’t work out

****

HobiHobi - what happened?

****

Jinnie - well I met him online and he was older and normally I wouldn’t of even considered it, but he had money and a big dick so I thought why not

****

Jinnie - He was basically my sugar daddy for like 2 months, but then he started to catch feelings and I had met Namjoon by then so I dropped his crusty ass and got my mans

****

ChimChim - cool story now listen

****

Jinnie - the disrespecc

****

ChimChim - I’m tryin to check on my ships HOE ships that we happen to share so it’s in your best interest to sit down and shut the FUCK up

****

Jinnie - …. fine

****

ChimChim - K so I’ve got two new ships I need updates on. To make it less embarrassing I’ve got 1 half of each ship in here

****

Joonie - oh that’s smart

****

ChimChim - thanks I know

****

Joonie - cocky bitch

****

ChimChim - @Binnie how are things w/ Dongmin

****

BInnieBoo - oh thank fuck I’ve been waiting forever to scream about this so here goes

****

BinnieBoo - I couldn’t sleep last night so I messaged him at like 2am asking if we were boyfriends now bc we’ve been on like 3 dates, but we didn’t exactly call them dates so i was hella confused and kinda scared AND HE SAID YES HOLY FUCKING MOLY YALL I HAVE A BOYFRIEND AND NOT JUST ANY BOYFRIEND THE CUTEST MOST PERFECT BOYFRIEND IN EXISTANCE HOW IN THE EVER LOVING FUCK DID THAT HAPPEN??????!?!!!

****

ChimChim - OH MY GOD YES THAT’S THE CUTEST SHIT FUCK YEAH CONGRATS BINNIE

****

Joonie - I mean I’m happy for you, but I’m pretty sure Jin is the cutest most perfect boyfriend in the world so…..

****

HobiHobi - ayyy way to go Bin. Yoongi’s gonna flip his shit

****

ChimChim - lmao yeah he is

****

Jinnie - k so I’m not mad at Joonie anymore

****

Joonie - wait you were mad at me

****

Jinnie - don’t test me hoe

****

Kookie - sickening

****

ChimChim - so Jungkook how’s Rocky?

****

Kookie - Fuck you guys he’s so amazing oh my god. His smile melts my heart he dances like a god. He can fucking SING. He’s cute one second and hot as sin the next. I stg he gives me heart palpatations. He’s funny. And sweet and smart and his eyes crinkle when he laughs and ohmigod I like him so much it hurts

****

BinnieBoo - smh fuckin hypocrite

****

HobiHobi - lmao what’s a Yoonmin I only know Rookie

****

ChimChim - ugh I ain’t even mad y’all are so cute together

****

Kookie - we’re not together tho?

****

ChimChim - Bitch what?

****

Kookie - he doesn’t like me like that. We’re just friends

****

Joonie - You come into  **my** house? And disrespect  **my** intelligence? Right to  **my** face?

****

Kookie - I’m serious guys he doesn’t like me

****

Jinnie - So are we sweaty, have you seen the way he looks at you?

****

HobiHobi - ^^^

****

ChimChim - He literally told you you’re hot???

****

Kookie - you guys tell me I’m hot all the time and you don’t like me

****

BinnieBoo - trust me when I say that boy is whipped as fuckin cream for you

****

Kookie - sounds fake but ok

****

ChimChim - That’s it. I’m done with your bullshit.

****

ChimChim has kicked Kookie from the chat

****

Joonie - It’s what he deserves.


	10. Closer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my loves!!! I'm back again after what seems like literally forever. I know, I'm sorry. But I've got a few suprises for y'all so, uh, strap in and enjoy.

Tol and Smol

****

Smol - K I didn’t add you to the gc cuz I know you’re gettin dicked down so I’ll give you the jist

****

Smol - MinBin is alive and FLOURISHING Binnie was gushing about how they became official last night at like 2am so like go congratulate you roommate and tell him to take a nap

****

Smol - Jungkook is a whole headass who’s half in love with Minhyuk but doesn’t think Rocky feels the same way even  tho we all fuckin know he does

****

Tol - interesting interesting

****

Smol - how was the dick

****

Tol - idk why don’t you ask Jackson

****

Smol - hold the fuck up

****

Smol - YOU SWITCH?!?

****

Tol - well yeah

****

Smol - we’ve been friends since kindergarten how did I not know this

****

Tol - well you’re a bottom so we just talk about bottom things bc I know you can’t relate to top culture

****

Smol - I could top if I wanted to

****

Tol - sure you could honey

* * *

****

Roomies

****

RealHyung - what’s this I hear about you texting your Boyfriend at all hours of the night?

****

BigHyungEnergy - What? How did you know about that already?

****

RealHyung - Jimin told me Bin was gushing over you in the ship gc

****

BigHyungEnergy - oh ok

****

RealHyung - what’s wrong bb

****

BigHyungEnergy - What? Nothing’s wrong. Why would anything be wrong?

****

RealHyung - two days ago you wouldn’t stop talking about how cute and awesome Bin was and now that you’re actually dating him you’re all clammed up

****

RealHyung - so what’s up?

****

BigHyungEnergy - I’m just conflicted is all. I’ve got a problem that I don’t know the solution to and I can’t stop thinking about. And you know how I am when I get stuck in my head.

****

RealHyung - yeah I do. Look Minnie, I’m always here for you to talk to if you want, but I give the worst relationship advice so I don’t think I can help you

****

BigHyungEnergy - oh

****

RealHyung - BUT, but there’s a but I’m not just blowing you off

****

BigHyungEnergy - oh thank god

****

RealHyung - I would never.

****

BigHyungEnergy - yeah yeah I know now continue with your but

****

RealHyung - continue with your but title of your sex tape

****

BugHyungEnergy - …..

****

RealHyung - moving on

****

RealHyung - ok so you know Namjoon?

****

BigHyungEnergy - yes

****

RealHyung - well he gives The Best advice and now that you know him you can ask him

****

BigHyungEnergy - oh idk Tae

****

RealHyung - He’s great I swear I go to him with all of my problems

****

BigHyungEnergy - He’s not your therapist Tae

****

RealHyung - oh I know. I’m not asking him to fix my daddy issues or anything he just gives good advice in difficult situations

****

RealHyung - and he likes it too he says they’re like brain teasers

****

BigHyungEnergy - ok but how do I approach him? I’ve never talked to him outside of the gc. I can’t just text him like hi, nice to meet you now let’s unpack my bullshit

****

RealHyung - Say no more bb your hyung’s got you covered

* * *

****

Taebae created the chat

Taebae added HAWTDAMN and Joonie

****

Joonie - hi?

****

Taebae - hi hyung. Dongmin has a problem he’d like to talk to you about

****

HAWTDAMN - If you’re not busy, of course. I don’t want to bother you. I’m fine, really.

****

Joonie - It’s fine, Dongmin-ah. I’m more than happy to listen to whatever you have to say. And I promise to help in anyway I can.

****

HAWTDAMN - Thank you so much, Hyung

****

Joonie - You’re more than welcome. Now tell me what’s been bothering you.

****

HAWTDAMN - oh um I don’t really know how to explain it and it’s really personal

****

Taebae - I can leave the chat if that makes you more comfortable

****

HAWTDAMN - No, you’re fine, hyung. I just don’t know where to start.

****

Joonie - It’s ok, take your time.

****

HAWTDAMN - Can I change my chat name first? It’s distracting

****

Taebae - of course

****

HAWTDAMN changed their name to Minion

****

Minion - Much better.

****

Minion - Ok, so I’ve known I was gay since 5th grade, but it took me a lot longer to realize I was ace. For as long as I’ve known about it, sex has always sounded super gross and uncomfortable to me. I just thought that was normal. I realized 3 months in to dating my first boyfriend that even though I loved him and felt safe with him, I probably wouldn’t ever want to have sex with anyone, let alone him. I found the ace label pretty soon after that and I came out to him about a week later. He laughed at me and called me a prude, said all I needed was to try it and then I’d see. I laughed it off at the time, but I broke up with him a few days later. I couldn’t handle being in a relationship with someone who didn’t accept me for who I am.I haven’t dated anyone since because I’m so scared of getting to know someone, falling in love with them and then having them reject a vital part of me. I’m terrified of falling for someone who only wants me for sex.

****

Minion - It doesn’t feel like that with Bin. I feel like he likes me for who am, not what I look like. And I really like him; it scares me how much I like him. And I’m terrified that I’m going to mess this up and somehow he’ll break up with me or that one day he’ll want something more than I feel comfortable with and I’ll have to let him down.

****

Joonie - I’m glad you feel comfortable enough to share that with us, Dongmin.

****

Taebae - I already knew he was ace

****

Joonie - not the point

****

Minion - You guys are easy to talk to. What should I do though?

****

Joonie - I think you need to have an open, honest talk with Bin and explain how you feel. He won’t reject you, I promise. You guys are good for each other. From what I’ve seen over the last couple weeks and what the others have said, you guys are good for each other. You bring out a happier, more confident side in each other; it’s like he brings you out of your shell. So talk to him. I think he’ll understand better more than you think he will. 

****

Minion - Ok, I’ll do that. Thank you, hyung. I don’t know what I would have done without you.

****

Taebae - I TOLD YOU!!! I told you he gives the best advice

****

Joonie - jesus Tae don’t yell at him

****

Taebae - sorry

****

Minion - lol it’s fine

****

Joonie - and you’re welcome, Dongmin

****

Taebae - Now go get yo man 

****

Minion - smh

* * *

****

STAY ON TASK

Jinnie has changed the chat name to Movin’ Time Hoes

****

Jinnie - we signed the lease on our new apartment this morning so the only things left to do are figure out a new arrangement for y’all and then y’know move

****

Minion - I actually had a few thoughts on rearranging everyone

****

BinnieBoo - you changed your chat name

****

Minion - oh yeah I did that earlier

****

BinnieBoo - I like it. It’s cute

****

Kookie - Minions are abominations

****

BinnieBoo - Jeon Jungkook you best take that back boi

****

ElRocko - why should he? He’s right

****

HappyVirus - Okaaaaaay before that escalates why don’t you share your ideas with us Minnie

****

Minion - Gladly.

****

Minion - So I think we should stick with the current configuration of 2 groups of 3 and 4 groups of 2. I also think we should stick with the current apartments we have and just move between them.

****

JinJin - sounds good so far, but what about the contracts? The landlords won’t just let us switch them

****

Joonie - we’ll figure it out later let Dongmin finish

****

Minion - Thanks, hyungs. So the rest of this was figured out based on compatibility, age and safety.

****

Kookie - safety?

****

Minion - Yes, safety.

****

Minion - We can’t very well put you and Tae together without supervision; you’d be dead within a week.

****

Kookie - wtf no we wouldn’t

****

Taebae - Remember spring break?

****

Kookie - ....

****

Minion - I’m sure you see my point, now shut up and let me finish.

****

Minion - These are the groups I have so far:

Taehyung, Jungkook and Me - Group 1

Hoseok, Jackson and Moonbin - Group 2

Seokjin and Namjoon (obviously) - Pair 1

MJ and Jinwoo - Pair 2

Jimin and Yoongi (if that’s ok with them) - Pair 3

Sanha and Minhyuk - Pair 4

****

Minion - (I labeled them for convenience)

****

Minion - Group 1 would be in Jin’s current place. Group 2 in Namjoon’s. Pairs 1 and 2 are all set. Pair 3 in Jimin’s current place and then Pair 4 stays where they are. 

****

Minion - Thoughts, comments questions?

****

ChimChim - I’m fine with it if Yoongi is

****

MinSuga - I was actually going to ask you to move in together so this is perfect

****

ChimChim - <3

****

Taebae - sounds good to me

****

Kookie - same

****

BinnieBoo - I’m fine with it, but I’ve never actually met Jackson. Shouldn’t he be in the chat?

****

Taebae - he doesn’t really like gc’s so I’ve been keeping him up to date so far, but you’re right he should be in here

****

Taebae has added Jackson to the chat

****

Jackson - no

****

Jackson has left the chat

****

Joonie has added Jackson to the chat

****

Joonie - this is important dumbass

****

Jackson - Tae can keep me updated

****

Jackson has left the chat

****

Taebae has added Jackson to the chat

****

Taebae - leave again and you won’t see my dick for 2 weeks

****

HappyVirus - 2 weeks is pretty short for a punishment

****

Taebae - not for him it isn’t

****

Jackson - ….

****

Jackson - fine, but I’m leaving the chat on mute

****

Kookie - lmao

****

Jinnie - Jungkkok, I’d like to see you go 2 weeks without jacking off

****

Kookie - ….

****

Kookie - fuck you

****

Jinnie - not my job

****

BinnieBoo - Hi, Hyung-nim, nice to meet you. I’m Moon Bin. If this goes well we’ll be roomates along with Hobi-hyung.

****

Jackson - cool nice to meet you

****

Jackson - and call me hyung

****

ChimChim - speaking of Hobi, where is he?

****

Joonie - idk I haven’t seen him since this morning. I actually haven’t seen much of him at all lately

****

ElRocko - he cut practice short today and left like and hour ago

****

Kookie - what the hell he never does that

****

BinnieBoo - I’m not complaining. He’s been running us pretty hard lately

****

HobiHobi - I’m here y’all can chill

****

Smol-ha - Hyung are you ok?

****

HobiHobi - yeah I’m fine Sanha, don’t worry

****

Smol-ha - Don’t tell me not to fucking worry, Jung Hoseok. You’re acting weird and no one’s seen you all week. I’ll worry as much as I damn well please.

****

HobiHobi - ….

****

Jinnie - Ignore him. He’s bratty cuz he cares.

****

HobiHobi - In that case, the plan sounds great Dongmin, good job.

****

Joonie - so we’re all in agreement then? We’re going with Dongmin’s Plan?

****

Jinnie - yep

****

JinJin - we’re all good on that front, but now we’ve gotta figure out the legal angle

****

Dongmin - If you give me a minute I’ll make a chat with you me and Joon-hyung. My uncles is a lawyer so I can ask him for help if we need it

****

Joonie - awesome thanks, Minnie.

****

Taebae has changed Jackson’s nickname to BigWang

****

HappyVirus - KIM TAEHYUNG

****

Taebae - What? It’s true.

****

HobiHobi - Can confirm that Jackson has a huge dick

****

Joonie - Why just why

****

MinSuga - I’m a simple man. I don’t ask for much. Good health, kisses from my boyfriend, a good deal on Tteokbokki from time to time, to not know the size of my friends dicks.

****

MinSuga - I don’t ask for much. So why in the name all that is holy is this what I see when I open the chat?

****  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have two more chapters written up as I put this up so I should have those up within 24 hours if everything goes ok. I wish I was one of those fic authors that could update whenever something big happened like Astro's come back, their first win, BTS going to the Grammy's, literally any of the birthday's that I've missed, you name it. But yeah, I'm not that person. Sorry not sorry. But I do love my boys, all of them so so much. And I am so incredibly proud of all that they've done and continue to do. So yeah. See y'all soon I hope.
> 
> Edit: This is my first time writing an ace character. I'm not ace myself so I did some research while writing to make sure I wasn't misrepresenting anything, but if I did please feel free to point it out to me and I'll do my best to fix it.


	11. It's Brat o'clock

Movin’ Time Hoes

 

Minion - Jungkook, why did I just see you sprint across the quad and dive into a bush?

 

Kookie - uh cuz you have eyes?

 

BinnieBoo - Jeon Jungkook you best watch your fuckin mouth when you speak to my boyfriend

 

Kookie - ….

Kookie - sorry hyung

 

Minion - It’s ok.

 

BinnieBoo - so are you gonna tell us or…..?

 

Kookie - I ran into my history professor from last semester and I never did the end of course survey so I ran

 

Jinnie - JEON JUNGKOOK I RAISED YOU BETTER THAN THAT

 

Kookie - IT’S NOT MANDATORY! IT’S NOT LIKE I GET A GRADE ON IT

 

Jinnie - MANNERS ARE ALWAYS MANDATORY GRADE OR NO GRADE

 

Kookie  WHO EVEN CARES IF I TAKE THE END OF COURSE SURVEY OR NOT?!?!

 

Jinnie - I - what?

 

Kookie - Why do you care if I didn’t take the survey?

 

Jinnie - I don’t.

 

BinnieBoo - I’m so confused

 

Jinnie - I was catching up on what I’d missed and got to Jungkook being a brat and jumped the gun

 

Jinnie - Thanks for yelling at him btw even if he is your hyung

 

BinnieBoo - anytime hyung :)

 

Kookie - :/

 

Joonie - just got off the phone with the last of our landlords; we’re all set to move

 

HappyVirus - finally, it seems like forever since this all started

 

JinJin - What’d I say about giving the author a break? You try juggling school, family and crippling depression; see how often you update your fanfiction.

 

ElRocko - what?

 

JinJin - don’t worry about it

 

ChimChim - so when is this happening?

 

Minion - A weekend gives us the most time. We can start on Friday after our last classes and then we’ve got two days to finish.

 

HobiHobi - this weekend is no good I’ve got back to back labs and an extra sunday afternoon dance practice for the upcoming showcase

 

Taebae - I need at least two weeks to get packed up

 

MinSuga - you aren’t packed yet?

 

Minion - I told him to get started weeks ago and he just burped at me.

 

Kookie - Jin-hyung forced us to pack up the day after we all agreed to this. I’ve been stuck playing Call of Duty for weeks

 

ElRocko - and yet I can still kick your ass in 1v1

 

Kookie - oh I let you win

 

ElRocko - sure sure you /want/ to pay everytime we go out

 

Kookie - I’m the hyung I’m supposed to pay

 

Smol-ha  you have literally never payed for anything when we’ve eaten together

 

BinnieBoo - me either I smell bullshit

 

Kookie - y’all are brats tho

 

BinnieBoo - so it Rocky

 

ElRocko - lies and slander

 

Jinnie - ok now that we’ve established that Jungkook has taken Minhyuk out on multiple dates

 

Jinnie - can we get back to planning?

 

Minion - Of course, hyung. 

 

Minion - Does two weekends from now work for everyone?

 

Joonie - Jin and I are good whenever

 

MinSuga - yeah

 

HobiHobi - sure thing

 

HappyVirus - Jinwoo and I are free

 

ChimChim - yep

 

Taebae - I’m good and so is Jackson

 

Kookie - sounds good

 

BinnieBoo - yeah

 

ElRocko - fine w/ me

 

Smol-ha - idk… I might have to study

 

Jinnie - you have literally never studied for anything in your life

 

Smol-ha - I might have. You don’t know me. You don’t know my life.

 

Jinnie - your noodly ass will be at my apartment by 6pm that friday or I stg I’ll tell mom about the time you and Hyunjin got drunk on the roof

 

Smol-ha - you wouldn’t

 

Jinnie - Try me.

 

Smol-ha - …..fine

 

Minion - alright then, we’re all set for two weeks from now

 

Taebae - let’s get this bread

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter, it was the most natural chapter break. I needed an idol Sanha's age and Google was oh so helpful in pointing out that Hwang Hyunjin from Stray Kids is only a day older. So yeah. They were friends in high school and they got into all sorts of trouble together. Next chapter is a little different so I hope you like it.


	12. Milkshakes and Tear Stained Hugs

“I’m sorry, if we don’t have the Shamrock Shakes by now, we’re probably not getting them this year,”.

 

“Oh, ok. Thanks anyway,”.

 

Yoongi walked out of the McDonalds dejected. He’d gotten a Shamrock Shake every year on his birthday for as long as he could remember. He’d put off getting it on the actual day this year because he’d been so busy and somehow that made it even worse. Everything was changing. He was graduating in two months and moving in with Jimin and he was 26 and they didn’t have his stupid shae and he had feelings for Hoseok and he had no idea what he wanted to do with his life and he hadn’t talked to Hoseok in days and oh my god oh my god oh my god.

 

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Yoongi knew he was having a panic attack, but the vast majority of his thoughts were screaming about boys and milkshakes.

 

He was so focused on his internal spiral that he didn’t realize he was walking to the dance studio until he was already there. If he was lucky Hoseok would be there, preferably alone. Hoseok always calmed him down when he had a panic attack. That same small part of his brain pointed out that Hoseok calmed him down because he felt safe with him. He told it to shut up.

 

Running on autopilot, Yoongi stumbled into the dance studio, barely holding it together long enough to get to the private room that Hoseok liked to use when he had free time.

 

Yoongi breathed a sigh of relief (mentally; physically he was hyperventilating) when he saw Hoseok through the little window on the door to the studio. He looked up from his post-practice stretch when Yoongi burst through the door. He barely had time to offer a greeting before Yoongi was engulfing him in a bone crushing hug. Actually it was more of a tackle seeing as Hobi was on the floor stretching. They both ended up laying on the floor.

 

“Yoongz, I’m all sweaty,” Hoseok chuckled before realizing that the older man was shaking in his arms. Pulling his ear buds out, Hoseok carefully sat them both up and positioned them so that he was still holding Yoongi, but he could see his face. Without his music he could hear the deep heaving sobs he was trying to hold back. He took Yoongi’s face in his hands and brushed away the rapidly forming tears with his thumbs.

 

“Hey, look at me. It’s ok. I’m right here. Just breathe ok? Just breathe,”. Hobi kept p a constant stream of soft comforting words as he tucked Yoongi’s head into his shoulder and rocked him back and forth.

 

Yoongi had always responded best to tactile comfort. Hobi would never forget how surprised he was back in freshman year when he first stumbled on Yoongi mid-panic attack. He’d gone to Yoongi and Jin’s apartment to pick up some food Jin had made for him and walked in to find Yoongi falling apart on the couch.

 

Hoseok recognised the signs of a panic attack right away, he’d had more than a few himself. If it were anyone else he’d go up to them and ask how he could help, but he’d only met Yoongi a handful of times and in all honesty, the surly sophomore intimidated him. So imagine his surprise when Yoongi shot up from the couch upon seeing him, still frozen in the entrance way, and started to walk towards him on trembling legs. Hoseok totally didn’t jump when the older man croaked out a quiet, rushed “Can I hug you?”.

 

A completely un-startled Hoseok eloquently answered, “huh?”

 

“Can I hug you?”, Yoongi repeated firmly.

 

“oh , uh, sure. I guess,”.

 

That was all Yoongi needed. He was on Hoseok like a leech. Within a minute Hoseok noticed that his breathing had slowed and his shoulders relaxed a bit. He calmed down even more when Hoseok held him back.

 

The conversation afterwards was surprisingly not awkward. They talked about what set Yoongi off and what he could do about it. As Hoseok got up to leave, Yoongi shyly admitted that that was the best he had ever handled a panic attack. Hoseok told him that if he could come to him whenever he needed and he didn’t need to ask to hug him. Ever since then they’ve ridden out quite a few of Yoongi’s panic attacks together; each one taking less and less time for him to calm down.

 

He snapped back to the present when Yoongi started to speak in a muffled voice from where his head was still tucked into Hoseok’s shoulder.

 

“I’m sorry. I’m freaking out over nothing,”.

 

“It’s not nothing, Yoongz. Your feelings are valid and you don’t ever have to apologize for having them,”.,

 

“It’s just this stupid shake,”.

 

“The green one from McDonalds that you get on your birthday?”

 

“Yeah. They don’t have it this year. Which shouldn’t be a problem. They don’t even taste that good and half the time they aren’t blended properly so all the mint’s at the bottom. But it’s tradition y’know? And it made me realize how much everything is changing. I’m graduating soon and I have no idea what I want to do with my life. And I’m moving in with Jimin, which is amazing, but it scares the shit out of me. I mean, I love him so much and it’d kill me if I lost him and I feel like I’m this close to fucking it all up and then there’s….” He trailed off abruptly.

 

“Yes?” Hoseok asked leadingly.

 

Yoongi sat up and looked him in the eye. They were so close he could feel Hoseok’s breath on his face.

 

“You” Yoongi said softly.

 

Hoseok’s heart skipped a beat. Was this - ? Did he just - ? Does this mean - ? A thousand thoughts raced around his head.

 

If Hoseok’s internal freakout showed on his face, Yoongi didn’t notice. He continued speaking like he hadn’t paused for a veritable eternity.

 

“I mean, I never seen you anymore. We used to talk every day and you’ve barely said 5 words to me all week. You’ve skipped our last two movie nights and Jimin says you’re acting weird during dance practice. I know you’re busy with the showcase coming up, but I’m worried about you, Hobi,”.

 

“Oh,” Hoseok said quietly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you. I’m fine, I swear. I know I’ve been busy lately, but I promise as soon as this is all over with we’ll all get together and have a musical marathon,”.

 

“You promise?”

 

“Cross my heart and hope to die,” Hseok chuckled. “In fact,” he said, an idea lighting up his eyes, “Are you free right now?”

 

“Yeah, why?” Yoongi asked, confused.

 

“Come on,”. Hoseok said, pulling them both to their feet.

 

* * *

 

One hour and a quick trip to the store later, they were back in Jin and Yoongi’s apartment, blender at the ready.

 

“Now the key to a good milkshake,” Hoseok began, “is the proper milk to ice cream ratio,”.

 

“Shut up and make my shake already, you dork,”. Yoongi chuckled, shoving Hobi’s shoulder.

 

Hoseok feigned offense as he scooped ice cream into the blender. “You think you’d be just the least bit grateful to the guy who’s single handedly saving your birthday, but nooo, you haven’t thanked me once,”.

 

Yoongi huffed and wrapped his arms around Hobi’s stomach. “Thank you, “, he whispered as he laid his head on his shoulder.

 

Hoseok turned on the blender to hide his gay panic as he coughed out a hushed “don’t mention it,.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I projecting my own milkshake related crisis on to my poor bb Yoongz in honor of his birthday? Shit man, sure seems like it.
> 
> This is the first full text scene in this fic as I'm sure you've noticed and while it's not my first full text chapter ever, I am pretty inexperienced so, uh,,,, tell me what you think. I'm kind of toying with the idea of posting this as a stand alone one shot. On here and maybe on Tumblr as well. What do y'all think?

**Author's Note:**

> Hope Y'all Enjoyed! Also I'm sorry if any of it was confusing, leave me a comment and I'll try an fix it. So you've met the Cinnamon Rolls aka ASTRO. Next chapter will *hopefully* be an introduction to the Sinnamon Rolls aka BTS. Again hope you enjoyed and I'm always up for criticism ( just don't be too mean lol I can and will cry). Thank You so much for Reading!


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